the secret, 9.2.17

i worked a double today. there was a party of 18 at lunch, all of which were there to celebrate a 60th anniversary. 60 years is an amazing effor! then, on my evening shift, there was a party i took in the private dining room celebrating a 70th anniversary. they were very kind people, all apart of a very wholesome family. the husband was 93 and the wife was 90. towards the end of the meal, i ask the gentleman what the secret was. he turns to me and tells me he says yes to everything she says and that he lets her make all the decisions. the lady responded by saying she laughs at all his lies. it was cute. i wished them well before they left, as i was left thinking of how 70 years with one person from my generation would feel like. the table i got after them was celebrating a 17th anniversary. what a coincidence. love was in the air tonight, or in the restaurant at least.

oh and happy 3 months to my girl and i.

-ratha, 9:12pm, 9.2.17

missing again, 5.8.17

i didn’t realize how much i missed doing nothing with someone. thank you for that. every once in a while, you come across someone who has the ability to alleviate your stresses and overthinking while you get to know them, so all you have to do is be yourself while they reveal to you who they are. last night was wonderful. lately i keep being reminded of the nature of life and change and how it all intertwines to create the reality we perceive. reality has been great. change has been good to me. it’s nice to be able to feel more than you think as a result your thinking has lead your logic to come to the conclusion this is the right thing to do.

i’m looking forward to where life and change takes us.

-ratha, 9:46am, 5.8.17

suburban innocence all again, 3.29.17

after i came home from some alone time in public, i decided to take bagel on a jog. we run everyday, but i can’t remember the last time we went out on a walk when it was dark out. the night felt so welcoming. you could hear the breeze thru the bushes. the insects were alive and well. neighbors were busy with their reality in their homes and garages. i can’t pinpoint exactly what i felt, but running down my suburban street reminded me of the time in 9th grade when i snuck out my house  to meet up with my girlfriend at the time. i was with the homie jeff. jeff and i walked at 2am to her neighborhood park. in the middle of all our conversing, jeff began to nod off on one of the benches. as he was asleep, my girl and i had our eyes on the pool. the pool wasn’t open, but that didn’t stop us from hopping the fence. all i could think about was lyrics from one of my favorite we the kings’ song, all again for you. in the song, travis sings 

“i thought of you //
and the time we jumped the fence//
pool side stripped down//
we dove right in//" 

it’s something alluring about having the chance to live out the lyrics to your favorite songs. i was excited but i was also too nervous to jump in with her. my excuse was jeff was tired, which he really was. looking back, i probably should have gone ahead and went for it, but whatever, things happen. we would spend the next two hours beating down our innocence with this new found freedom we were experiencing. it was teenage love at it’s finest, and much like tonight, it felt good. even if it was just for the time-being.

-ratha, 11:35pm, 3.29.17

understanding how to look stupid, 3.1.17

i’m texting a friend, and she’s telling me she’s immune to falling in love. i ask her why and she responds by saying she doesn’t want to be hurt. she also doesn’t want to look stupid. i ask her if she fears not being able to recover, and she tells me shes pretty resilient as she brings up the situation with her ex to support her claims. i begin explaining to her that holding down someone who was ungrateful doesn’t make you look stupid, but instead, it makes the other person look dumb. how you play someone real to you because you couldn’t be real with yourself? i don’t get it. i hope i’m right though, because if not, then based on my last relationship, i’m the stupid one. but how can i be the stupid one, when i’m the one who’s happy with myself?

i don’t get it neither, some people aren’t made for the truth…

-ratha, 1:58am, 3.1.17

logging off more time, 2.27.17

i wish we had more time together. i dont know what brought me to your page tonight, but im here every couple of months or so. between your random snaps and the occasional ig tag, i cant help but to think you think of me when things arent going right with this guy who you tell twitter is the love of your life. lol. i gotta laugh it off. laughing has been my favorite thing to do lately. eating pizza after sex was top 5 moments of 2016 for me, i want you to know that. you got the juice girl, you aint have to do it like that. let me log off before i hit you with an address, smh.

-ratha, 2:06am, 2.27.17

chick-fil-a, 2.21.17

it’s fairly quiet in here, although it is a tuesday night. there’s an older gentleman sitting in the booth in front of me. his hair is white as snow and he’s wearing a heather grey sweater over a plaid shirt. i wonder how many stories he has to tell, how many memories he has forgotten. from time, he looks up from his food to gaze around. there’s a kid getting a refill at the counter. three ladies that are his age, (i’m assuming because of their matching hair) are sitting at a booth across from us on the other side of the room talking about grandchildren.

i take a bite out of my chicken sandwich as i look around to make my own observations. a veteran just finished his food. he begins slowly walking towards the exit of the restaurant assisted by his cane. an employee is holding his cup, strolling by his side making sure everything is alright. why our country doesn’t take better care of our veterans, i will never know. he was there by himself as well. i feel like people like himself and i who eat alone sit in the same vicinity, so we can all eat alone together.

there is a family sitting behind me with 4 children, none older than 10 from my judgement. i wonder who i’ll end up with and when i’ll end up with them. i have crushes from time, but i never have the time to act on them because i feel they’ll end up being a distraction from the bigger picture. my most recent was on this girl who gave me movie recommendations thru snapchat, and no lie, her recommendations are pretty great, but i get too caught up on wasting time watching people’s stories of them doing nothing that i deleted the app. maybe i should get back on, but perhaps not. i cant afford the distraction at the moment.

maybe later.

-ratha, 6:38pm, 2.21.17