bibliophile
today i have to write 2 ‘a few moments with ratha david loun’ segments, update the running diary, write a personal blog post, edit photos for clients, keep up with laundry, and begin clearing out for my move in august. it seems no matter how much time i have, it’s not enough. either i’m doing too much or i’m not working hard enough.
only way to find out is to keep pushing my limits, which is what i plan on doing.
-ratha, 4:51pm, 4.30.18
not too humid with a light breeze. trees are growing leaves, flowers are blooming. neighbors are out and interacting. the chilly and the cold are becoming distant memories in the presence of the bright and sunny.
if there ever was a time to feel good, it’d be now.
-ratha, 1:10pm, 4.29.18
i saw kadeem tweet about adw on twitter today. i’ve always speculated what could’ve happened if lisa didn’t get pregnant by lenny, but i wanted to know what he thought would’ve happened between dwayne and denise. i tweeted at him today, and he actually responded. he said he probably wouldn’t have ended up with whitley, and that his pitch would have been a love triangle between the 3 of them.
ayo!!!! i was hype, and still am. kadeem hardison, dwayne wayne, responded to me!! man, they gotta do a reunion, write a book, or something!
denise and dwayne is the biggest to be continued ever…
-ratha, 4:15pm, 4.28.18
stephan and i tried to get dinner at shake shack, but the line was out the door and around the corner. instead, we went to cfa. we caught up, spoke on a number of different subjects, then hit downtown to shoot. walking around the city is something i haven’t done in a while. we saw one lady try to chase another lady down to fight her. life in the city is something else, that’s for sure. after shooting, as i was driving home, i thought about how nice it was to shoot leisurely again. it’s good to be alive and feel things, because on this day last year, i was involved in an accident that totaled the camborghini.
thankfully, bagel and i made it out.
-ratha, 10:55pm, 4.27.18
with everything going on, i decided to go to the gym tonight to run the treadmill. i never run treadmills, i actually despise cardio, but things are changing, so i figured i should, too. i spent 50 minutes switching in between jogging, running, and walking. i watched the nfl draft, and saw the chargers draft derwin james 17th overall. i’m telling you, we’ll be superbowl champions come next february. by the end of it, it didn’t feel like i had been on for 50 minutes.
though it didn’t feel good enough to turn 50 minute cardio sessions into routine, i must admit, it did feel good enough to get my mind off things.
for the moment, at least.
-ratha, 10:28pm, 4.26.18
happy anniversary to my parents!!! damn, they’ve been together for a hot-minute, 30+ years. they are my heroes, real-life super heroes. both my mother and father amaze me, and they will continue to do so, together.
here’s to more life, more love, and more growth. i love them both very much.
-ratha, 12:25pm, 4.25.18
fighting emotion with logic is extremely difficult. believe, it’s hard on me, too. i’m not sure i made the right decision, but i think i did. there’s never a right time to do these things. i’ve always thought, better to leave on a high-note than to let things fade into an obscure uncertainty during bouts of psychological warfare among ourselves and each other. i hope you find understanding sooner rather than later.
and somewhere along my hopes, i hope i understand, too.
-ratha, 9:38pm, 4.24.18
it’s mom’s last day in charlotte. it’s pouring and gray, but that won’t stop us from bonding and having a good time. we’re going to hit sam’s club, hit home depot, and talk about life. i’m sad she’s going back to boston tomorrow, but we’ll see each other soon, hopefully for my brothers birthday in june. growing older, i’m realizing how important relationships with parents are. it’s vital. it’s essential. it’s priceless.
with value comes appreciation, and trust me, i’m grateful.
-ratha, 12:11pm, 4.23.18
ate lunch with big bro and mom today at a vietnamese restaurant. my mom was talking in viet to the workers there. she amazes me on a daily basis. my brother and i ate, then we all went next door to an oriental mart that we used to go to way back 10-15 years ago when we lived in apex. couldn’t believe it was still open, and the inside looked exactly how i remember it. i love revisiting old places, it makes you feel as if you’ve grown a little.
still trying to convince myself change is a good thing.
-ratha, 2:18pm, 4.22.18
walking into a convenience store, i held a door open for an older black gentleman. he asked if i could hoop referring to my duke shorts and duke shirt. i told him just recreationally because i’m not that good. he laughed and said it looked like i could play. we both laughed and i told him to take care.
i love being back home, go blue devils.
-ratha, 9:15pm, 4.21.18
o just randomly texted me a picture of us on top of crowder’s mountain from two years ago with the word ‘iconic’ in all caps. we legends out here mayne, give us a few years and the world will know.
believe dat!!!
-ratha, 12:58am, 4.21.18
on the way back to charlotte there was standstill traffic for 45 minutes. during the time, i looked on the waze app to see what the holdup was. turns out it was an accident rather than construction or rush hour. when the traffic began moving, there was a minivan parked to the side of the road charred from an engine fire. everyone seemed to be okay, so that was a relief. hate to see things like that.
life happens, you just never know. sometimes it can happen to you.
-ratha, 4:11pm, 4.20.18
i’ve learned, at the age i am at least, i prefer talking to older people than i do those my age. naturally, one should be able to relate to their peers, but i’ve found it to be different for me. outside my close friends, i don’t think too highly of my peers lol. today in athens, i was having a conversation with one of my mother’s good friends. a few things i learned from her/found interesting that i’ll pass on here.
-when a parent grows old, there is no perfect solution and sometimes children feel guilty.
-she stopped watching the news over 15 years ago because it’s depressing and she has been much happier since
-most people who have a difference in opinions talk to each other with the purpose of being right or persuading the other, especially in politics. the key is to listen, avoid judgement, and keep an open mind. if in politics you disagree, simply vote.
-ratha, 2:38pm, 4.19.18
the first thing my mom asked when she got in the car as i picked her up from the airport was, ‘where’s bagel?’ no 'how are you?’ or 'hello,’ but instead 'where’s bagel?’ i’m excited to spend the next week with her, i’ve missed her. i’ve also missed my dad, but i know he’s busy as well. hopefully this summer, we can all find time to spare and have a family reunion. i haven’t seen my sister in 7 years, so to be together again as a family like it was when we were growing up would be nice.
hopefully, one day soon.
-ratha, 8:38pm, 4.17.18
he never does this to this extent, but bagel has been sleeping on me all day. he’s so damn cute. i woke up to him sleeping on my arm. after our first walk, he was lying by the window and fell asleep on my elbow. then after our second walk, he fell asleep on my arm again, this time his chest was laying on my left forearm. i love it.
i must be dreaming.
-ratha, 7:08pm, 4.16.18
lately i’ve been watching tons of television. not anything specific, just anything. today i watched teen kids news, which reminded me of everything sucks, and how i wish i would’ve been in the av club in high school, but i’m not sure holly springs had one. then high fidelity was on laff tv!! high fidelity is that movie, john cusack is that guy, and lisa bonet is that woman. laff tv might as well be that station because they had a different world on earlier this week. after, i watched the pacers beat the cavs in game 1 of round 1 of the nba playoffs. later in the night i began watching a netflix movie titled, happy anniversary. then after that, i watched comey’s exclusive abc interview.
it’s uncharacteristic of me to watch this much television. i’m typically active, doing other things with my time. it’s a sign, a sign i’m running away from something bigger than my fears and my insecurities. i won’t know what it is until i stop and face the current state of my life head on, but that’s something i won’t be looking forward to.
the marathon continues.
-ratha, 11:08pm, 4.15.18
alexis got her dog today, a golden retriever, in which she has wanted for the longest. stephan said he doesn’t have the job he wants, but it’s the job he needs for the life he wants in the future. lance got accepted into a college in london, one of his top choices. the people in my life are going thru bright changes, i can only hope it’s contagious.
just gotta keep my head down and keep working. one day opportunity will work out in my favor.
-ratha, 9:38pm, 4.14.18
when i got out the shower and looked in the mirror, my eyes were blood shot red, both of them. not to mention, while taking a shower, i felt an immense itch come over my eyelids. i didn’t wear a beanie to the park earlier today with bagel, so i concluded i had washed the pollen stuck in my hair into my eyes. i walked out to go to walmart, but then remembered how red my eyes were, so i thought of where i could get sunglasses if i had any. then i remembered about the pair of sunglasses amanda b. gave me at a career fair in high school 8 years ago. i had put the sun glasses in the holder in the camborghini, but never wore them. when i cleaned the camborghini out before they took it away, i remember putting everything in a shoe box, then placing the shoe box in a storage closet. when i went to check if there was a pair of hawks tv sunglasses in the box, there they were. i put them on and went to walmart.
at walmart, i located the eye drops. i usually use visine because that is what i’m familiar with, so i began comparing their allergy with their total-symptom eye drops. i didn’t see much of a difference except in active ingredients, but i know nothing about that so i went with the total-symptom because my logic tells me allergy falls within total-symptom amongst other things. as i’m going to check out, a guy waves me to his line. i check out, and he makes a joke about how eye drops have been selling like hot cakes. i respond by telling him pollen szn is especially bad this year, to which he says it’s bad every year. we share a laugh as he waves me goodnight. it was then i noticed he didn’t have a right hand. it was also then when i realized how happiness may be more of a decision than i had originally thought, as well as how much i take the simplest things for granted.
there’s important life lessons that lie even in the most mundane of interactions.
choose to learn, then choose to be grateful. hopefully then, those choices will lead you to choose to be happy.
-ratha, 11:28pm, 4.13.18
at a red light, i was approached by a white guy who looked to be around my age. i roll my window down and the first thing he says is
‘you look like you lift, how much you lift?’
i responded by telling him not much because i just started, but still, that made me feel like these years of lifting have been paying off, if not at least a little. turns out he was with a christian org taking donations for the homeless. i never carry cash, but he says i could donate online as he handed me a flyer.
i think i’ll give it a shot later tonight.
-ratha, 1:58pm, 4.12.18
the last two episodes of season 5 of adw always get me. whitley knew where her heart belonged, but she tried to run away from the truth in hopes her distraction could move her on, but dwayne wouldn’t let it happen. when he interrupts the wedding and asks her to marry him, i get emotional. i love that scene because it shows no matter how far you stray away from someone, if something is meant to be, it’ll be. as powerful as that scene is, i wish i would’ve known what would have happened if denise stayed through 6 seasons. i guess i’ll never know, but it’s neat to speculate on how dwayne and her wedding would’ve been like.
a different world is something i wish i could be a part of in another lifetime. that time period is so incredible in my eyes. the fashion, the culture, the lack of technology, the music…
i’d give give it all to be there in a parallel universe.
-ratha, 10:36pm, 4.11.18