the studio, 7.3.23

my cambodian family moved out today. i didn’t expect it, but it was something about how they found a place and they needed to snatch it up before somebody else did in lowell. they moved a lot of things from around the house to their new place. when i walked down to my sneaker room, i was inspired to rearrange things. while rearranging things, i felt the urge to get rid of a lot of things. it was like a purge. i want to clear out all those sneakers and clothes really bad. i want to put a small desk in there and just get to working on dreams. i keep talking about it, but i will make it out this 9-5 hamster wheel. i have tomorrow off, but i am already dreading wednesday. i don’t know if that’s normal or not, but if it is, i want no parts of normalcy.

-ratha, 8:42pm, 7.3.23

after-gym chipotle, 7.2.23

after-gym chipotle is always the move. last time my guy hooked me up with double chicken and ain’t even tell shorty at the register it was a double bowl. this time i paid double, but shorty who put my bowl together put like triples.

chipotle been showing love lately, i guess that’s the universe taking care of me as i take care of myself by going to the gym.

-ratha, 6:23pm, 7.2.23

half-way, 7.1.23

today offically marks the start of the 2nd half of the year. they say 6 months of discipline and commitment can change your life.

let’s see.

-ratha, 10:09pm, 7.1.23

encore repeats, 6.30.23

my parents gave me $200 to bet at encore. i took the first $100 and was up $63, then i lost it all. then i put the 2nd $100 in and lost it within minutes. while i was up, i thought about quitting, but i was up within 10 minutes and i thought to myself, wtf would i do for the next few hours so i kept going. silly me. that’s two years in a row that i was up at encore, then decided to keep going. i felt so shitty lmao. i can only image how people feel when they bet their life savings on these machines. that’s two years in a row that encore has stolen my money, smh.

next year i’ll quit when i’m up for sure, because as you know, third time’s a charm.

-ratha, 10:32pm, 6.30.23

niner nation out in the wild, 6.29.23

i went to mall with my cousins today. since there is no primark in stockton, we’ve made it tradition to go to the one in burlington mall when she visits. i was hungry, so we stopped by the food court to grab a bite to eat. they got cfa, i got indian gourmet. as we were eating, i look up, and see some guy with a uncc shirt. it had one of the old logos on the back, too. one of the logos that was prevalent when i was there. i couldn’t believe it. especially because i was going to wear the uncc shirt i wore to work today, but i decided to take it off last second. i almost went up to him to say what’s up, but i thought it’d be wierd so i passed on the opportunity. still though, a uncc shirt at burlington mall??

what a coincidence.

(man i should’ve at least said what’s up, why am i like this?)

-ratha, 7:12pm, 6.29.23

adding to the list, 6.28.23

we were talking about wings and food at lunch today. i really need to start knocking out some of the places on my list, because i feel i’m missing out on a lot by going to the same places over and over. don’t get me wrong, these places like maya and sura are incredible, but there are other incredible places waiting to be discovered. bancroft by the burlington mall for steak and buff’s for wings in newton was recommended by my boss today. i peeped both menus before adding them to my list. buff’s wings look hella good, but the only thing is their lemon pepper is lemon pepper garlic parmesan, but they had other enticing flavors such as jerk and honey bbq. summer just started and this is the second weekend, so what better time to begin knocking out places on my list than now?

the goal is to find 3, maybe 4, go to spots in the city before summer’s over. 

-ratha, 3:18pm, 6.28.23

750 seminar, 6.27.23

let me begin today’s entry by saying happy gday to my dog dbaze. many blessings his way, that my brodie since day 1. for the afternoon, a few of us went down to the lab central area for a seminar at fidabio. they were kind enough to provide us lunch free of charge as well as a platform to teach us and answer any questions we might’ve had. being here reminds me of being in a lecture in college. in a way, i’m glad to be here, but in other ways i’m counting down the minutes until it is over. counting down is no way to live life, but it let’s me know i don’t belong here as comfortable as it has become these past few years. don’t get me wrong, i think it’s great people are passionate about these things as those people literally save the world, but i am not one of them. i’d rather save the world in other ways. i’d rather contribute to society in a more intimate manner. there’s a lot of work ahead, work that doesn’t include seminars and free lunches.

work that includes discipline, solitude, expression, and a lifetime of fulfillment. 

-ratha, 12:36pm, 6.26.23

the 17's, 6.26.23

i am so fortunate i’m at a point in my life where when i go out to eat, i usually don’t have to pay attention to the price of the food. tonight for dinner, i went to wingstop. i got the usual, 10-piece combo all-flats with honey mustard. sometimes i do all lemon pepper, other times i do 8 lemon pepper, 2 hawaiian. i did the latter tonight. i’m eating my wings, enjoying myself. i never dip the wings in the honey mustard, the sauce is strictly for the fries. in the middle of my meal as i look down to wipe my hands, i glance at my receipt. it was $17 some change. i was caught way off-guard. it used to be $10-$11 bucks for the meal. shit is getting so expensive these days. i almost spit out my food, but i had to keep my composure in public. what happened to the $1/per wing per combo days? or the 0.49/wing combo they used to have at macadoos?? i guess those days are over, smh.

i do love wingstop, but damn, $17 for a 10-piece combo??

it’s getting ridiculous.

-ratha, 10:12pm, 6.26.23

gems from oum, 6.25.23

my dad, my uncles, and i were taking the tent down from the bon last night. as we were, i was near my oum. i asked him how he slept. he said he slept okay and that sometimes when he wakes up he can’t go back to sleep. we get to talking and he goes on to tell me that money doesn’t buy happiness. he said he was happiest when he had ‘just enough.’ that stuck with me. i thought about it all day. even though i want to be rich, when i get rich will i ever be as content as i was when i was in my adolescence or in college making minimum wage? shit, am i as happy now as i was then? it’s a good question to sit on, because i couldn’t tell you.

oum is teaching me through his experience that gratitude with just enough is worth more than abundance without appreciation.

-ratha, 3:32pm, 6.25.23

the bon, 6.24.23

in my culture, a bon is a ceremony to promote prosperity and more life for an individual. we had a bon for ta today. there were like 30-40 people at the crib. we had monks chanting at the crib at 9:30am. i didn’t want bagel to bark so i took him with me to drop some packages off at ups and the post office. when i got back, i had to go pick up water, ice, soda, beer, and henney xo for the party with my dad. overall, the party was so fun. bagel kept running out the backdoor to see everyone and smell the food. we had a smoker with lamb brought in. next to the smoker was a big tent. the tent had tables for food and drinks, a table for gambling, and a table for karaoke that my uncle set up. everyone was singing, even my parents! it was such a good time. it rained for a little, but that didn’t stop the party. i even went on a couple walks with my nephews along with bagel when the rain cleared. everyone left around 8:30-9:00pm when the sun was setting. there’s lots of leftover food and drinks, which will be even better than it was today tomorrow after i sleep in late.

what a successful bon.

-ratha, 11:32pm, 6.24.23