the agreement, 12.20.22

we were walking back to your car after lunch with your mom. right before getting in the car, she asked if i was moving back to north carolina in the near future after finding out i’ve been in new england for a little less than two years. i told her that was the plan at some point, then you said moving to nc was part of the agreement, which caught me off guard. i don’t think we ever explicitly mentioned us relocating to nc, so i never knew how anyone but myself felt about it. i do mention it to you from time i’m going back to nc to raise a family and live my life, because i do think it’s the best place in the world, but i didn’t know how you felt about it. maybe your willingness to move back home with me, if or when the time comes, speaks less about how you feel about 919 and more how you feel about me. damn. i guess because we get so caught up on trivial things, we never really talk about how we feel. or maybe i’m not paying attention to how serious you’re taking these things. perhaps i’m not giving you enough credit, because at the end of the day we’re both nervous, but that made me feel better about things.

we’re both a long way from then, and though anything can change at any moment, i hope those plans remain as agreed upon.

-ratha, 7:23pm, 12.20.22

rating crumbl cookies, 12.19.22

they’re overpriced and overrated. i’m sorry, but i can’t be the only one to think this. it’s no way people going crazy for this, but at the same time, i respect the hustle.

that’s all i have to say about that.

-ratha, 6:32pm, 12.19.22

missing the spirit, 12.18.22

it’s a week out from christmas and i’ve never felt less festive in my life. it doesn’t even feel like christmas, to be honest. i know i say and write this every year, but it’s true. my dad brought up how christmas used to be the best holiday, especially when we were younger. i agreed. it made me think that christmas is really for the kids, and you lose the spirit until you have kids of your own. i remember one year, i had a simpsons phase. i thought it was the funniest show. so that christmas, my dad ordered simpsons figures off amazon for me. when we put up the tree, he got simpsons ornaments. one i remember vividly was bart on skiis lol. then, on top of that, he bought outdoor decorations for the house. one of them was homer dressed in a santa suit, getting stuck in a chimney. man, that was one of the best christmases ever. i really miss being in the spirit, but i’m also at fault. i think i could make better decisions than simply buying gifts. next year, i’ll put some effort in decorating the house, both inside and outside. especially with my auntie, cousin, and uncle here, we’ll have a full-house again, hopefully.

still, we’ll make the best of what we have this year.

-ratha, 4:33pm, 12.18.22

on the wrong side of history, 12.17.22

the colts were up 33-0 at half-time to the vikings. i was too turnt. since planet fitness closes early on the weekends, i decided to go to the gym at half. considering the score (at the time) i wore my colts hoodie. as soon as i walked in, an older guy on a bike asks what the score was. i said it was 33-0 at half, so that’s why i came. he said he had pittman and the colts defense in fantasy. then, another gentleman walks up and asks me about the score. at this point, i look it up and the colts are up 36-14 in the third. i don’t think much of it, but i continue my workout. an hour and a half later, i decide to check the final score. the game is in over time. so i throw on streameast and the colts end up losing!!! ayooooooo. that’s the biggest blown lead in nfl history. i walked out the gym in my colts gear proud though, because that’s my squad.
bolt up and for the shoe forever, no matter what, though it’ll be strange when they play on monday night football next week…

-ratha, 5:45pm, 12.17.22

rainy not snowy, 12.16.22

it’s been raining all day, which is crazy because up north is getting pummeled with snow right now so that means all this rain would be snow had it been colder. luckily for us, it’s a bit warmer than maine and new hampshire. that’s not the only good thing because i’ve also concluded all my holiday shopping tonight with the exception of my mom. i seriously don’t know what to get my parents for gifts. they have everything and they’re way richer than me lol. plus, when i get my mom something, she always says she could’ve either bought it for herself or found it for cheaper lmao. i think i’ll find something in the next week or so, just gotta get out there and look around.

-ratha, 8:21pm, 12.16.22

the work holiday party, 12.15.22

i always see work holiday parties in the movies and shows (the office), but i’ve never been to one. that is, until tonight. they rented out a room at the royal sonesta which is next to the museum of science. the view of the city was pretty, especially because it was on the charles. they had people walking around with shrimp cocktails, egg rolls, mozerella balls, and other small bites. we were given two tickets, one for a drink each. the food was actually bomb. there was some kale salad to start, along with bread. the butter had some type of fancy seasoning on it and the bread had dried pepper/tomato baked in. for my main course, i had steak with gravy, au gratin potatoes, and broccoli. to finish the night, there was creme brulee and coffee. i didn’t drink the coffee, but the creme was decent. the only thing was the music was terrible. the closest we came to good music was hey ya by outkast. hey ya is a really good song, but man, why we go to irish two stepping afterwards smh. all in all, my first holiday party was a success. 

i had good company, the food was way better than expected, and although the music wasn’t up to my expectations, i had a really good time.

-ratha, 10:46pm, 12.15.22

last full day, 12.14.22

today is my last full day at work for the year. i’m taking a half-day tomorrow, then i’m off until january 2nd/3rd. i’m going to use this time to write, record music, and get my writing ig off the ground. it’s about that time. i also have to spend a few nights in solitude reflecting on this past year. wait, i just checked, and i actually took today off. so now i’m about to leave lmao. wtf am i doing here??

see y'all mf next year.

-ratha, 12:09pm, 12.14.22

missing maya, 12.13.22

it’s going on 5 days and i’m still thinking about that tikka masala from maya. i gotta go back this weekend. i’m fiending frfr.

the weekend can’t come soon enough, smh.

-ratha, 6:11pm, 12.13.22

tom ford noir extreme, 12.12.22

last week, i bought tom ford noir extreme. i smelled it at macy’s and i thought it was great at the time so i purchased it. today, i was in sephora and saw the tester. i sprayed it on a tester strip and did not like the smell at all. i was wondering what changed. it’s definitely not my nose because it’s still the same nose i’ve had since last week. then i thought back, maybe i unintentionally sprayed different colognes on my tester hand and the mix smelled good so i mistook the concoction of aroma for the noir extreme. i’m going to keep this tester strip and smell it tomorrow.

hopefully i ran into the opposite today (creating a bad mixture of smells on my tester hand) and i’ll like the noir extreme tomorrow when i wake up.

-ratha, 7:21pm, 12.12.22

lowell jewelry, 12.11.22

my parents took me to a few jewelry shops in lowell. i told my mom i wanted a diamond bracelet a year ago. every now and then i’d mention it, but after going to the wedding and seeing bu tom’s bracelet, it inspired me. we looked at 3 shops and they didn’t have much of anything. there was a white gold cuban, but it was $5,200. it didn’t even look that special, that’s why i need some stones in them. i told my dad i was appalled at the price because of how basic the bracelet looked, and he told me imagine all the money rappers like kanye spend on their jewelry. pretty much what he was getting at was if i wanted what i wanted, i’d have to have kanye money.

soon come, soon come.

-ratha, 3:32pm, 12.11.22