emotions
today’s a saturday, but it feels like a sunday. it’s refreshing when life hits you with that every so often, makes time feel a little slow. took bagel on a walk earlier. cooked sweet and sour chicken and ate it while watching everything sucks. now i’m writing. i have my moment prepared for the podcast this week and am about 70% done with the personal blog for this month.
as far as i’m concerned, i’m just riding the wave today.
going with the flow however it comes.
-ratha, 4:43pm, 3.24.18
after a month off, money and i got back to recording legends of kempsford. the podcast was going great, then i went out of town and it’s been hard revisiting it due to my creative work schedule. lifestyle blog every week. personal blog every month. update trd a few times a week. getting serious about recording music. it’s a lot, but i have to prioritize. we’re going to do legends of kempsford every other tuesday from now on.
i really want to be a musician, so i’m making time for it.
-ratha, 4:18pm, 3.23.18
went looking for duke merch today and at every single store, there was maybe one or two duke items compared to a plethora of carolina items. it’s frustrating, yet very satisfying when i do find a product i really like.
i guess until they come out with something new, i’ll have to stick with the vintage on ebay.
-ratha, 3:18pm, 3.22.18
this morning i woke up to bagel looking out the window. upon further observance, i saw a white truck stuck in the mud in our back yard. our back yard has a hill and on the other side of the hill is a road. hard to explain, but that’s as condensely descriptive as i can be. the day goes by, i walk bagel, i write. i notice they’re still there. when it’s time to drop lance off at the airport, they had got their truck out by then. i drive past and there’s trash everywhere, not to mention deep ass skid marks. i thought about approaching them while they were stuck, but i didn’t want to socialize. i should’ve because people seem to lack decency these days, smh.
i’m glad my parents raised me better than that.
-ratha, 3.21.18, 2:08pm
first day of spring 2018 and it’s rainy and dreary outside. i love it. everything looks better in an overcast and everything feels better in the rain. today i finished watching an amazon original movie: brad’s status. it’s a movie about a father going to boston with his son to visit colleges. as he’s in boston, he begins to reconnect with college friends and his mind wanders to what life would’ve been had he took the route they took. it’s filled with regret, nostalgia, and an ending that inspires gratitude for the nature of life. i enjoyed it.
oh, and i wrote, too.
pretty good day? i’d say so.
-ratha, 6:48pm, 3.20.18
i don’t know how many times i’ve said this, but i love my mom. i woke up to a package from her that included coupons for toilet paper and treats for bagel among other things. there was also an iphone charger, the ipad kind that charges faster, too. it’s evident my mom loves me, and i hope she knows it’s evident vis-versa as well.
family forever.
-ratha, 9:46pm, 3.19.18
kellz snapped me a vid of her driving to the playlist i made her back in 2010. 8. years. ago. in fact, the song was higher by j.cole and wale, such a flame song i haven’t heard in ages. we were catching up and she told me she takes acting classes once a week on sunday. it was something she’s always wanted to do and figured out why not. i was surprised, but i’m happy for her! we are all trying to figure our way through this life and we might as well enjoy it as we do so.
with everything going on, it reinforced my belief that hobbies are an integral and vital piece to inner happiness.
-ratha, 4:36pm, 3.18.18
you ever stay up late and end up on parts of the internet you would never during the day? man, tonight i got on youtube and found myself watching videos of people climbing cranes and skyscrapers. no rope, no strap, nothing. my palms and feet were cold sweating. it’s incredible how physical symptoms manifest from mental/emotional reaction. climbing is too dangerous, not to mention there’s too much to live for to risk your only life (for all we know).
i know they say never say never, but never would i ever.
-ratha, 2:48am, 3.17.18
umbc just made history by becoming the first 16 seed to beat a 1 seed in the ncaa tournament. i texted brandon to see if he was watching, and he said he was. he said it was the under dog’s time, referenced david vs. goliath, and told me it was our time. then i thought of the conversation i had with lance earlier today. he told me his friend asked about my equipment and wanted to meet up to work together. she does film and cinematography. then i thought of the 2 short films i wrote and the documentary i was planning on filming this summer. is it me, or are things falling together?
it really is our year.
-ratha, 11:28pm, 3.16.18
i’ve been so excited for a tooth scaler i ordered two days ago to come in. it’s not for me, but for bagel. it came in this morning and i sanitized it and began scaling bagel’s teeth. it’s oddly satisfying, and bagel’s teeth are much cleaner than they have been in the past 2 years. i’ll still brush his teeth regularly, but i’m excited for him to have his pearly whites back.
-ratha, 11:28am, 3.15.18
i logged on to facebook and saw neil degrasse tyson post stephen hawking passed. there are world leaders, then there are intellects who shape the lives of humanity forever such as einstein, freud, and hawking. to live up to 76 with als is an extreme accomplishment in itself, but to change humanity living with als through research and monumental scientific breakthroughs is beyond me. people like him are gifts to humanity and the generations to come.
stephen hawking, you will be missed.
-ratha, 12:22am, 3.14.18
i’ve been tired these past two days. the travel hangover is catching up to me heavy, i’ve taken two late naps two consecutive nights. i wrote more to my song March 2018, in fact i’m about 8 bars from finishing it. i feel i’m closer to chasing my dreams than i’ve ever been, and i can’t help but feel the regret of not beginning sooner.
you ever have one of those nights where you listen to cudi alone in your room with the lights off?
yea, i’m zonin’.
-ratha, 10:11pm, 3.13.18
a year ago today, i launched the running diary. i had no expectation of what i would write, what i would accomplish, nor who i would be a year later. turns out, i’m still the same person for the most part, just a little less patient with the progress of my life. i was and still am inspired by Vicky. we still miss and love you in case you’re reading this from a parallel universe!!
i’m not sure who i’m writing to at times, if anybody, and i’m not aware of my reasoning for writing what i write. i’m simply a writer attempting to navigate his way through life with words, meaning, and purpose. sometimes i win, sometimes i lose, but i never give up. combined with belief and disciplined work, some people speak things into existence.
i’d rather write them.
here’s to year 2 and to getting to my dreams.
-ratha, 8:09pm, 3.12.18
i didn’t end up getting out of bed until 1pm, which by judging off of my recent sleep schedule, is uncharacteristic as strange as that sounds. i love sleep, but hate getting up late. today was a relaxed day. i walked bagel, went to concord mills, got played by a claw machine, cooked teriyaki chicken, and watched a different world. oh, and duke got the 2 seed in the toughest bracket of the big dance.
with all this routine coming back to me; march, i’m ready for the madness.
-ratha, 7:48pm, 3.11.18
i dropped kev off at the airport and told him it would be sooner than 5 years before we got up again. i came home and walked bagel in the rain. it’s only been a week, but time feels longer when you’ve missed someone or something. i’m catching up on my blogs and setting things up for the podcast this week. it feels good to get back to it, and it’ll feel even better when i get it.
pressure bursts pipes, and trust me, the execution of ideas is flowing heavy.
-ratha, 5:42pm, 3.10.18
while walking to get in line to board my flight, i caught eye contact with a guy who looked like he was my old boss at andy’s. he looked young, but so did josh. as i was boarding my flight, he got up to board his flight across the gate. i kept thinking of how that could’ve been him, but i didn’t speak. neither did he, but i felt it was a good chance that was josh. my mom always said he looked like michael phelps, and tbh he did.
as i looked back one last time, he boarded his flight to raleigh-durham.
-ratha, 11:14am, 3.9.18
after the duke game, o, kev, and i went to shake shack across the barclay’s center. as we were eating, i felt inspired. i could feel the energy of the city and the hustle in the air. i told o we were going to make it. i told him we were going to travel the world and live our best lives. he looked at me like i was kind of crazy, but i was for real feeling it. this year has a special feel to it.
2018 here we come.
-ratha, 10:38pm, 3.8.18
while waiting for obeezy, kev and i were sipping water at an upper westside indian joint. i was zoned out because of the snow. out of all the years i lived in new york as a kid, i’ve never seen the city blanketed in snow before. it was gorgeous, a sight for sore eyes. while looking out the window, my cousin taps me out of my day dream appreciation and says neil just walked by. i’m confused. he said he was going to text me, and his text said neil degrasse tyson walked to the back of the restaurant. i thought he was joking, but because the restaurant was so small, i could hear his voice. i couldn’t believe it. it was really him, ayo i love this dude. star talk radio the only radio i listen to!
eventually he got up and o stopped him and he was kind enough to take a photo with us. i was nervous, but damn, that was neil!!!!
-ratha, 1:28pm, 3.7.18
i tweeted sometime ago that being alone in public places gets me through a lot of things. i got up with o today and he showed me a good bit of manhattan. it was fun to sight-see, but damn, it’s a lot of walking. my fitbit was 26k steps. by the end of the night, my calves were sore. we saw the williamsburg bridge, the oculus, chinatown, the 9/11 memorial, the rockefeller center, and we even had time to go to times square. new york city is beautiful, and it’s the perfect place to be private in public.
free therapy with life blossoming around you at every corner of every block. what could be better?
-ratha, 11:29pm, 3.6.18
from jfk to our airbnb, the driver was playing hip-hop radio stations. cardi b came on one radio station and i asked him politely to switch it. when he did, she was playing on the other radio station, too. well damn.
hot 97 really is real-life whack.
-ratha, 5:03pm, 3.5.18