thinking of banks, 1.28.25

i opened instagram to see a picture of banks with a long caption. to my surprise, he had passed. i couldn’t believe what i was reading. i sent rachel a message telling her how sweet banks was and how sorry i was for her loss. i remember when she first got him. years ago, i was over her apartment in dilworth when she told me she would be going to an adoption event at petsmart (i think) the next day. the next day comes, and she sends me a picture of banks at the store. then, i get a picture of him at her house. she had adopted him. bagel and banks met a few times and i would always remember how kind and grateful banks was. i don’t know how to console someone after such a loss, but i wanted to reach out because i remember the good times with banks at her apartment.

not the young homie banks…

-ratha, 9:11pm, 1.28.25

happy monday to all, 1.27.25

work is going to be long this week with the brunt of it coming today through wednesday. it’s a long-awaited filterability study that needs to be conducted sooner rather than later. a lot of work ahead of us, but i’m hoping there is a lot of reward as well.

i’m hoping for good results, but with science you simply never know.

-ratha, 10:02am, 1.27.25

broken machines, 1.26.25

today marks 5 years since kobe passed away. i saw a tweet where someone said they’ve lived 5 lives since 2019 and i couldn’t agree more. 2020, in many ways, still feels like last year. i remember 2020 vividly, but everything since then has kind of been a blur. hard to tell where the time goes these days. i went to the gym for the first time in two weeks today due to my thumb injury. i tried to lift a bit and i felt my thumb bout to fall off, so i decided to hop on the treadmill. as soon as i got on one of the only ones i could find, it didn’t work. i got off, then went to the one next to it as a girl hopped on the one i just got off of. to my surprise, it didn’t work and i told her the one she was one didn’t work. we laughed and talked about how none of the machines never work and it’s always busy. i went to the stairmaster and it was broke, so i settled for 20 minutes on the elliptical before getting some chinese for the conference championships.

who knows where i’ll be 5 years from now, but i hope i’m still here and thriving with the people i love.

-ratha, 7:34pm, 1.26.25

money moves, 1.25.25

it’s been a long time since i’ve actively invested or taken a deep look at my finances. i did so tonight and moved around quite a bit of money. spending money can be addictive, but saving and investing can be as well. i always view it as a game. i’m in a position to make a good amount of money and i feel i should take advantage of that instead of passively saving.

like they always say, there’s money printed, you just have to go get it.

-ratha, 11:54pm, 1.25.25

writing motion, 1.24.25

as discouraging as this creative journey can be, lately i’ve had some moments of encouragement. i’ve been having a few more comments on my tiktok and even some messages on instagram. the likes and views may not be where i want them to be, but as long as the writing is resonating with someone, it makes me feel good! i have to remind myself, no matter how bad it gets, i cannot quit. i must force myself to carry on even if the burden feels insurmountable. slowly, i can feel it paying off, but i know there will be plenty of nights where it feels i’m doing this to no avail.

i hope to my future self when you read this that you can look back and say we got to where we wanted to get, maybe even further than we had originally expected.

fingers crossed.

-ratha, 9:57pm, 1.24.25

the random 100, 1.23.25

i woke up from a nap to ta calling me in his room. typically when we does this, it’s because he wants me to put on lok tesna or he’s having some technological issues such as setting the clock, turning on the lamp, etc. as soon as i walk in, he hands me $100 in all 20’s. i ask him what it’s for and he’s telling me to go spend it on whatever i want. i told him i had some money so he should keep it for the casino, but the gesture was sweet. i’m a very lucky guy to have the grandparents i have and days like this make me extra grateful.

-ratha, 8:11pm, 1.23.25

jury duty, 1.22.25

i was summoned for jury duty today in framingham out of all places. i had to take i-93 to i-95 to i-90, which is hell in the new england area around morning rush hour. i was 5 minutes late to the courthouse and could not find parking. the lot was packed and the street parking was obsolete as the snow had been plowed where parking normally was. after 15 minutes of going around in circles, i called the courthouse. the lady said they had already started but rescheduled me for the woburn courthouse in march. because i didn’t want to be stuck in traffic heading home, i went to wendy’s and got a french toast sticks breakfast. it was too good. afterwards, i hung around the natick area before jennifer texted me with some news i didn’t expect. i wonder why we always think of the worst when we receive bad news, but i guess it helps with expectations. perhaps it’s a defensive mechanism protecting us from our own hope, but do we need hope if we have faith? or do those two go hand in hand?

i’ll let you be the judge.

-ratha, 3:11pm, 1.22.25

transparent imposter syndrome, 1.21.25

i’ve been sitting on a song called transparency for a week or so now. i think it’s done to the best of my ability, but i’ve been afraid to send it off for mixing and mastering. i get so nervous at the thought of releasing music that i could throw up. i did a good job last year releasing some songs and even a project, but since it’s been 4 months since my last drop, all the nerves came back full force. tonight, i ended up sending it in so we’re due for a drop either late january or early february. if the timing doesn’t work out for the end of the month, i’ll drop two in february.

when it all works out, the thing i’ll really beat myself up for is me holding myself back smh.

-ratha, 11:04pm, 1.21.25

a measure of events, 1.20.25

three things happened today. 1) it’s mlk day so i didn’t have to work today. 2) trump got inaugurated as president. 3) the college football season came to an end as ohio state beat notre dame 34-23. and while we’re at it, philip rivers (the goat) retired from football 4 years ago today.

-ratha, 10:02pm, 1.20.25

last game, 1.19.25

earlier, we had the last game of the season today for our sunday league. we lost by 30+, but it felt good to play with just the boys. afterwards, i went to texas roadhouse and ate a ribeye to celebrate. not too long after getting home, i fell asleep. i just woke up the the nfl playoffs are on. i’m hungry af again, but it’s snowing down heavy outside. guess we’ll have to see if there’s anything in the fridge i can cook up quickly.

-ratha, 6:45pm, 1.19.25