the walls, 2.1.24

sometimes when we’re in the gym, i start getting in my own head. then i start to say things to myself under my breath. i was heard today saying some shit today then a theory of trampolines and walls came up. i was told to imagine tall walls with no ceilings. there are people jumping on trampolines. they get to see what’s above the walls, but they never get to experience it because they come back down. it’s a quick up and an even quicker fall. while people are on the trampoline, others are building a ladder. it takes longer, in fact much longer, but when they complete the ladder, they get to climb out and experience life beyond the walls while the others are still in a perpetual cycle of instant ups and instant downs. that put things in perspective to me. i’ve been thinking about it all afternoon.

oh and also, welcome february.

-ratha, 4:11pm, 2.1.24

a trip to pierced uptopia, 1.31.24

after everyone telling me to go to pierced utopia, i pulled up after my workout tonight. the only 14k gold ones they had were not the typical studs, rather a star and a berry shape. i thought about it, but i really want a real diamond. a lot of these places don’t have real diamonds, just cz’s, which is looking like what i’ll have to settle for, smh.

still have to think about things, but i’ll make the move these next few weeks.

-ratha, 7:42pm, 1.31.24

the five guys cashier, 1.30.24

i went to peabody to look for pants for work since i ripped two pairs in the past two weeks. they didn’t have skinny pants in-store, only online. while i was in the area, i decided to grab a bite to eat at five guys. as soon as i walked in, the cashier asked me how i’ve been. i told him i’ve been good as a customary response to a customary question. after i ordered my food, he asked me how i was again. i told him the same answer: i’m good, what about you. something about his demeanor seemed genuine, so we carried on a conversation after ordering for a minute or two. i asked him where he got his piercings, and he said amazon. i told him i meant where he got them, and he said there was this place in peabody that’s no longer here, but that pierced utopia in square one was a good place. i’ve literally heard that from 4/5 people in the past two weeks, which is damn near how many people i’ve asked. minutes later, he called my receipt number (28) and i went to sit and eat. as i finished and walked out, i thought of when the last time a stranger genuinenly asked me how i was doing and i couldn’t remember. it was almost like kevin spacey at the end of american beauty, minus the pedophilia and the suicide attempt.

point being, just that one short conversation stemming from him asking me how i was doing made my night.

-ratha, 10:37pm, 1.30.24

weigh-in, 1.29.24

i weighed myself at the work gym after a workout today. i was 174lbs. that’s 8lbs less than i was back in october. i could tell i was slimming down, but i didn’t expect to lose 8lbs. i’m always weighting up during a lot of my workouts, so i guess the muscle mass is still building while the fat is trimming. i can’t wait to see the results 3 months from now, around summer. i have to keep up with not eating as much fast food and i think the 10-minute cool down cardio after lifting also has been contributing. the key to progress is consistency, but the key to consistency lies in discipline. so instead of aiming for progress, i’ve been aiming for discipline and it’s nice to see things falling together slowly, piece by piece.

-ratha, 3:21pm, 1.29.24

sunday reset, 1.28.24

the laundry is done. bagel is fed. the room is vacuumed. the candle is lit. the nfl playoffs are on. i just got out the shower and have to upload a youtube video, then continue writing/recording. i don’t know if it’s the act of cleaning and organizing itself or if it’s the result of which feels good.

probably both if we’re being honest, but nonetheless it’s been a relaxing sunday evening.

-ratha, 9:48pm, 1.28.24

reading again, 1.27.24

i started reading again a few days ago. i’ve been slipping since october, but we’re back and my goal is to read 12 books this year. i’m a month behind, but if i start now, i think i can still reach my goal by december 31st 2024. reading gave me a lot of company as a kid and it’s one of those things i resort to when i need a reset. along with writing, of course.

i’m going to begin with 10 pages per day, then turn it up from there.

-ratha, 4:33pm, 1.27.24

atlanta tampa, 1.26.24

i was going in between what song to release next month and came to a conclusion it should be atlanta tampa. i could go the r&b-ish route. i could go the rap route. but with both i feel like i could easily get boxed in, so i decided to go with atlanta tampa. it’s a wonderful, yet unique beat that has a fire vibe to it. i recorded a demo tonight and sent it a$, so we’ll see what he thinks. i love it, but that’s with all my music. i just make music i like and love and i hope the world feels the same when they hear it.

-ratha, 3:31am, 1.26.24

i ripped my pants, 1.25.24

one of my work pants has a tear in it behind my left ass cheek so i wore jeans. then when i came back today, it had tears in the crotch area. that’s two pants in the past week i’ll have to throw away. i keep ripping my pants and it reminded me of that old spongebob episode when i kept saying that and the joke got old, because if i rip one more pair of pants, it’ll get old quick as if it already isn’t lol.

wtf is going on??

-ratha, 6:31pm, 1.25.24

selling out td, 1.24.24

chaz called me today with some shit that was so crazy i got full body chills. i had told him about my dream selling out td a few nights ago. he tells me his girl hits him up today and tells him she had a dream he was rapping in front of a sold-out crowd at the boston celtics arena. i asked him if he told her about my dream a few nights ago and chaz said she didn’t know the celtics arena was td, nor did she know about my dream. i was in silence for a few moments because damn. it seems like these days things are manifesting slowly, piece by piece. i need to do my part to meet God and the Universe in the middle.

the only way to bridge that gap is to work consistently and pray, which are things i’ve been doing a lot of these days.

-ratha, 8:23pm, 1.24.24

december 2023 music video, 1.23.24

schuni and i filmed part of the december 2023 music video today. it was cold, but it was a good time. can’t explain how appreciative i am of him, not only for his contributions creatively, but for him in general. good people in this life are rare, but they are blessings when they’re in yours. i had this idea for the video to be very low budget and amateurish, which is convenient because that’s all i can do for now. i’m excited to put something out, then keep the ball rolling. fuck perfection, it’s the progress i’m chasing these days.

everyone has to start somewhere, and what a hell of start we are off to.

-ratha, 10:03pm, 1.23.24