finishing songs, 11.18.23

i just came back from getting some tikka at maya. i’m currently drinking a glass of mighty mango, looking at all the songs i’ve started, but have never finished. most need a verse and a hook, others need a little more, but i gotta build a habit of completing them. one of the best things my dad ever told me years ago was to complete something, anything. back then he was referring to my degree, and now that i did, it put me in a much better place financially than i was when i began. i’m hoping completing these songs will take me another level up, to a place i’ve always wanted to be.

but before that, i have to begin completing them in the first place.
one song at a time.

-ratha, 9:33pm, 11.18.23

the test drive, 11.17.23

i went to a dealership in mendon to test drive a lexus. the plan was to go there, then to call the carmax in tulsa to check their inventory for the actual gs i wanted. everything was going to plan until afterwards. when i called the tulsa carmax, the gs was sold. it was terrible timing because it was just on their website last night, less than 24 hours ago. i missed it by even less than i missed the first gs on my radar in september, smh. it sounds crazy, but being in that car inspired me. i don’t know what it was, because the car itself is about 7 years old, but the test drive put the idea in my mind that i could do whatever i wanted to in this life. i can’t explain it, but i left the dealership with more than i came with, without paying a cent out of my pocket.

as for the car, i know i’ll get the timing right, eventually.
and by that time, it’ll be meant to be.

-ratha, 4:21pm, 11.17.23

at the glass house, 11.16.23

it was nice of the department to take us to lunch today, then tell us to work from home tomorrow. i dropped my parents off at the airport, then went to work. i had one meeting, then we walked to the glass house. the glass house is an american restaurant near the 650 kendall garage i used to park at. it was a three-course meal. they had a salad with some cheese ball, which was great minus the cheese. then we had an option for the main between chicken with mashed potatoes, a mushroom risotto, or steak frites. i got the steak and my only issue was that it wasn’t enough. it was very good. for desert, we got some strawberry custard thing. that was good as well. in between i got 3 mocktails. the one with ginger beer was my favorite. when lunch concluded, we checked out the farmer’s market right outside in the courtyard. they had live music and shorty was singing insecure by jazmine sullivan and bryson tiller, so that was a plus. some coworkers went to a bar afterwards. i joined for 5 minutes before i went to mamaleh’s for some cake.

i’m at home with bagel now, excited for the weekend alone with him.

-ratha, 4:25pm, 11.16.23

being lucky, 11.15.23

first, chaz said something to me last night that stuck with me, then schuni said something today at lunch that resonated with me as well. it was me, him, and jennifer in a booth. jennifer says she’s beginning to feel old because she’s turning 25 in january. we compared it to a quarter/mid-life crisis. schuni asks me if i’ve ever went through something like that. i told him about my existential crisis in 2016/2017 after watching cosmos. then he said something that was so genius. after i told him that and anxiety changed the whole trajectory of my life, he said he considers it lucky if you go through something like that. that was a refreshing perspective, because it’s honest. it may not feel that way in the moment, but if you’re strong enough to persevere through those things and not let it define you, life on the other side can be something special. i don’t think i’ve persevered through these things like i would’ve wanted to, but i’m doing decent at staying afloat.

i gotta take more time to let what he said settle in, but maybe hearing schuni say that will lead me to define my life in other ways than the things i’ve experienced from anxiety.

-ratha, 8:17pm 11.15.23

quotes from chaz, 11.14.23

i was on the phone with chaz tonight when he quoted the last dance. he said jordan said he didn’t worry about things he couldn’t control. my first thought was who was jordan in the last dance, i just remember julia stiles and malakai. i said “you watched that movie?” he said nah, he was talking about the last dance documentary with michael jordan lmaoooo. jokes aside, i think i needed to hear not to worry about things i can’t control. i also think i’ve heard it before, but sometimes you need to hear certain things from the right people in order for it to resonate.

it made me feel better about life at the moment, though i’m hoping the feeling isn’t fleeting.

-ratha, 11:31pm, 11.14.23

early landscaping, 11.13.23

i had plans to wake up at 8:45am, take a 9am meeting, then head to work. it was working until i was woken by leaf blowers and lawn mowers at 7am. literally 7am. i didn’t know they started landscaping that early. my neighbors all get their lawns taken care of and i guess monday is the day. during the winter, i sleep with my windows open because my room gets extremely hot. it’s not the heat per se, it’s just the way my room is. it’s always the warmest in the house for whatever reason. i try to sleep through it, but at 7:30am, i get up to shut the window. i’m one of those who can’t go back to sleep when they wake up. i started my day early (aka tired), took my meeting, and now i’m about to get dressed to go to work. i looked out the window and just how the sunset was in the target parking lot after the gym a few days ago, the morning sky from middlesex county is just as cinematic.

-ratha, 9:02am, 11.13.23

81 months, 11.12.23

today is the 81st month anniversary of the running diary. 81 months?! a lot has happened in between march 12th 2017 and today. sometimes i feel i should be more candid on here, but if i do, i’ll forget all the ‘every day’ things that happen in my life. i guess i could write about both, and i do, but what’s the value of privacy if everyone has access?

i guess what i’m saying is i’m candid with myself.

i can’t let just anyone in, though perhaps i could be more transparent in how i’m feeling these days.

-ratha, 8:16pm, 11.12.23

at southern kin, 11.11.23

we planned to hit up a brunch spot in harvard square, but because we couldn’t find parking, we went to southern kin at assembly row. i got the fried chicken plate with mac n’ cheese and fries. surprisingly, it made me full. the mac n’ cheese was good, the fries were superb, and though the fried chicken wasn’t as seasoned as i would’ve liked, the sweet tea was sweet. it’s difficult finding good sweet tea up here. crazy because it’s only two ingredients: tea and sugar. other than that, it was a good night. went to target after to pick up some things, to which i got a 6-pack of vitamin water. i’m feeling tired as i’m writing this, which is probably the itis taking over. i hope this nap doesn’t last too long, because then i’d be up all night.

hoooooooooodnight.

(for the time being.)

-ratha, 6:14pm, 11.11.23

the target parking lot, 11.10.23

when i got out the gym, everything was so scenic. the parking lot had a glow about it and the sky looked something out of a movie. i crossed to my car, then took a few photos. on the way home, a few stop lights after the gym, i look over to my left and the target parking lot was looking crazy. i took more pictures before the light turned green. the sky was looking tumblr-esque, and it’s really true that nature in an urban environment can be just as magnificent, if not more at times, than nature in its ‘natural’ state. it’s all about perspective, you know?

at least that’s the perspective life has taught me.

-ratha, 3:45pm, 11.10.23

wine and cheese, 11.9.23

my coworkers were hosting a wine and cheese night. i typically don’t partake in coworker social events, nor do i drink wine or eat cheese, but i decided to step out for the night. i went home, walked bagel, then fed him. as i made my way back to the city, there was an accident. i was stuck in traffic for 30 minutes. as soon as i got to the accident, the fire truck and cop literally pulled off in front of me as traffic cleared. i had never had that happen before, so i’ll definitely remember that. wingstop had a promotion for a buy one, get one chicken sandwhich so i took advantage and ate before i pulled up. as soon as i walked in the door, everybody was sitting in a circle around a table with two charcuterie boards. everyone had wine glasses, but i brought my mighty mango with me. we spent a couple hours talking about work, life, and more work. the common theme for everybody? work sucks and nobody likes nobody. some lies and some truths, but isn’t that what life is? surprisingly, i had a ton of fun.

i might step out next time, too, you just never know.

-ratha, 11:45pm, 11.9.23