coming out the woodworks, 9.21.23

you know how they say when you finally get money, suddenly everybody needs help? or when you get a girlfriend, then all the shorties wanna hit you up? well, i wanted to save money, so i said i was done spending on clothes and shoes, then they came out with a release date for the crocs x levis collab i initially saw in the summer. they dropped today, and of course i copped, but after this, i’m definitely done. all i need is one pair of black jeans, and that’s all for me until the end of the year at least.

unless i find a steal on something, but even then, if i don’t love it (aka if i have a second thought), i’m not buying it.

-ratha, 12:23pm, 9.21.23

pit stops, 9.20.23

it made me feel a lot better when you said this was never the end goal for me, that this was only a pit stop. i liked the sound of that. what some people are treating as a race, i’m treating as a pit stop. it’s so easy to get caught up in climbing the ladder, that you don’t realize how much time flies by under the radar. they make you unhappy and unfulfilled, then sell you glimpses of a dream along with the premise things will get better to keep you around. it’s all psychological. it’s just enough to keep you going, yet not enough to keep you fulfilled. then by the time you realize this, you’re about to retire and spent the most colorful years of your life painting a beautiful canvas on behalf of someone else. it’s depressing when you think about it. i’m not waiting until i’m retired to enjoy my life.

i refuse to.

-ratha, 10:03pm, 9.20.23

49ers notice, 9.19.23

while walking, a guy at a kiosk points to me and says nice 49ers gear. i was confused because i wasn’t wearing anything san francisco, but then i forgot i was wearing a uncc shirt. i ask him how he knows about uncc (because we are in new england) and he says he went to usc. we get to talking and he tells me he’s from jersey originally, but he went to usc, and now lives in new england. i am always so surprised when people recognize uncc because most only know of chapel hill.

shoutout the 49ers, i have to make it home for homecoming one of these years.

-ratha, 8:14pm, 9.19.23

the 11th collar, 9.18.23

i buy bagel a collar every year for his birthday. it is tradition, but more than that, it is symbolic of another year gone by full of life, good health, gratefulness, and happy memories. he doesn’t wear collars ever, only when we go to the vet, but even during our vet visit last month, he didn’t wear one. i am the one who typically puts the collar on him, but i did something different this year. i had his favorite person (my dad) put on his collar. my dad was in belgium on his birthday, so after my shower tonight, i had my dad put bagel’s 11th collar on him for the first time. i said a prayer with bagel in my room beforehand, pretty much thanking God for bagel and our time together. i also rambled on about how special he is to the world. bagel probably didn’t understand what i was saying, but i hope he could feel the energy, and that energy was mainly one of appreciation.

bagel then went on to eat his dinner, which he has been handling very well as we transition him to a healthier, allergen-free food, which i am also thankful for.

-ratha, 7:53pm, 9.18.23

parking problems, 9.18.23

after a long commute due to the rain, i get to work and there are no parking spots. what pissed me off even more was that one car double parked, and it was a fucking crv. that shit made me livid. i don’t get how you can’t park when you have a smaller car. then when i finally found a parking spot, it was so tight, i couldn’t get out my car so i had to climb out my back window. man, i’m so tired of this shit. i can’t wait for world tours and living life on my own accord.

-ratha, 11:04am, 9.18.23

good sundays, 9.17.23

i sat outside watching the 1pm games today while bagel was sunbathing in the backyard. i ate leftover shortribs and leftover mac n cheese from pellana. the mac and cheese was good, though hella greasy, but that’s anything with cheese reheated. the weather is mid-70’s, bagel’s having fun laying outside, my stomach is full, and both the chargers and colts are currently winning.

these are the sundays we wait all year for.

-ratha, 1:58pm, 9.17.23

good food weekends, 9.16.23

yesterday my mom made galbi. today, i had indian food for lunch at burlington mall, then for dinner i had a ribeye from pellana with new england clam chowder as an appetizer. i haven’t ate this good in a weekend in so long and i’m enjoying every moment of it.

-ratha, 9:48pm, 9.16.23

trying to help out, 9.15.23

my dad left to belgium for a week last weekend. before he left, he told me to make sure i cut the grass. it has been raining here in boston every day this past week. he’s scheduled to come home around dinner time tonight, and today is the only day where it has been sunny and dry. i took advantage of the opportunity and cut the grass. afterwards, i took a nap, woke up, and talked to e. i told e how i was going to skip the gym, but he convinced me to go if i wanted to be better. i went, and as i’m working out, a guy comes to me and asks me if i have jumper cables as his car isn’t starting. i told him no, even though i knew i had some in the back of my car. the reason? i get nervous when i’m put on the spot. it’s a sad excuse, but that’s how i’ve always been. i also thought somebody else in the gym would have some jumper cables and would help him out, which i guess is what they call the bystander effect. i finish my workout 30 minutes later. as i walk out, i see him on the phone. i ask if he ever found jumper cables. he told me he didn’t and he couldn’t believe out of 30 people, not one person had jumper cables. i made up some story about my brother borrowing my car, but i could check if i had jumper cables. i took them out and told him i found them even though in the back of my mind, i knew i had them. another asian guy pulls up with jumper cables, too. i always see the asian guy in the gym and he says that he finished his workout, went home, and came back with jumper cables. his cables were too short, but mine worked out. we were able to jump the car and mr. kelly (he told me his name afterwards) was able to go home. mr. kelly said that he has been to all the planet fitnesses in the area, and that the wilmington one was one of the best. he said the worst was methuen because people are always on their phone lol.

i drove home thinking it’s not helping people out that’s difficult, it’s my mental block filled with anxiety and nerves that is, which led me to believe i’m only thing holding me back and how i need to let go of the idea that someone else will do things when i am fully capable.

-ratha, 10:34pm, 9.15.23

free ice cream, 9.14.23

around 12:30pm, i was notified about free ice cream in the west side courtyard until 1:30pm. i like to work in the lab at two specific times: early before everybody comes in and at lunch when everybody is at lunch. i had to get a few things done, so i stayed in the lab. i finished my work at 1:17pm and was able to make it to the truck before they left. i got an oreo freeze, which was more or less a mcflurry. it was great, but it spoiled my lunch because there was no way a tv dinner was going to be appetizing afterwards.

i still went inside and ate what i brought to work, but if anyone ever tells you sequence doesn’t matter, it most definitely does.

-ratha, 2:36pm, 9.14.23

the day after, 9.13.23

i was eating lunch then i saw dr. waghwani. he asked where i was yesterday, and i told him it was bagel’s birthday. he said he remembered i took off last year for bagel’s birthday, too. then i thought about it, and i have never missed bagel’s birthday. it sent my mind on a mental trip down memory lane. we’ve always spent his birthday together, doing something, then eating something special. we graduated from mcdonald’s, to chick-fil-a, to restaurant burgers, to expensive steaks.

september 12th is not only one of the most important days in my life, but one of the best days every year.

-ratha, 3:24pm, 9.13.23