talks with ms. lisa, 12.30.22

i went to wendy’s recently and a conversation i had with a worker there stuck with me. not really stuck with me, more like…yea i guess stuck with me. there’s this lady who is always so sweet in the drive-thru. she sparks up conversation, is very accommodating, and is overall sucha  kind individual. i might’ve wrote about her on this blog before. anyways, we get to talking. she mentions how there’s construction workers drilling adjacent to the wendy’s. then she introduces her self as ms. lisa. she asks my name. i tell her, ratha. she asks if i’m cambodian. i tell her i am. she says she used to be a trainer in the early 2000’s and she trained with a cambodian girl. she goes onto say that she loves cambodian food and our culture and that her and her friend were the only two white people at khmer functions. then she asks if i knew a guy by the name of tommy. she mentioned his last name, but i forgot what it was. i told her no. she said he was popular with cambodians and he married a white girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. they had kids that are incredibly beautiful. ms. lisa then tells me her son is half-ghanan and that her dad told her that it’s not the color of someone’s skin, but the color of their heart which matters. i pulled forward to get my food, but i drove off thinking of how pleasant our conversations always are, but more than that, what god is trying to tell me.

specifics are beginning to distance themselves from generalizations so maybe i should close the gap on certain situations…

-ratha, 11:23am, 12.30.22

bagel in the bathroom, 12.29.22

yesterday, i went into a restaurant bathroom for a quick piss. after i washed my hands and turned around, ‘bagel’ was written on the door. although i had left him mere hours before and i’d be back mere hours later, it made me miss him. i love seeing bagel out in the wild. it’s like it’s his world and we’re just living in it.

which is perfectly fine with me.

-ratha, 10:02am, 12.29.22

28 on the 28th, 12.28.22

both your mom and your dad messaged me on christmas. it was wonderful hearing from them, but it made me miss you more. especially because christmas eve was rough. there are moments in this life where you’re the only one i want to call, and that was one of those nights. today is your 2nd heavenly birthday. you’d be 28 today. i know we would’ve been turnt up somewhere in charlotte. i couldn’t even imagine what type of shit we’d be getting into. i tell god i miss you all the time and i know he hears me, but i wonder if the message ever gets relayed…

happy 28th gday bro, i’m wearing a pair of dunks in your honor today!!

love and miss you always.

-ratha, 4:34pm, 12.28.22

the year of the bear, 12.27.22

this year i didn’t write as much as previous years. typically, i’m inspired at the end of the year after a few nights in solitude of reflection to write an incredible piece, but this year is different. i’m finding it difficult to write about what happened to me and my emotions of these past 12 months. i think my new years resolution should be to get back into writing, because this feeling is awful. it’s my career (and nothing else) that’s taking me away from it. i hope i’m able to get out this 9-5 before i stop writing completely, because that’s where things are headed should i continue on this trajectory if we’re being honest.

-ratha, 8:32pm, 12.27.22

hello playoffs, 12.26.22

after a day spent with my aunties coming over for lunch, my uncle dave and his family coming over to catch up, and eating a small bowl of rice and lamb, i watched my chargers beat my colts on monday night football to clinch a playoff berth. this will be our first since 2018. i remember that season so well. phil came into foxborough and the patriots beat us. the pats first drive took so much time off the clock, and i felt it was going to be one of those games. my parents were in cambodia when it happened. i don’t know why i remember that detail, but i do. i’m hoping this year we can go ahead and make a historic wildcard run. especially because we are heating up, and most importantly, getting healthy at the right time.

january football is a blessing and i’m looking forward to it.

perhaps we can play some february football as well, that would be super ideal. 

-ratha, 11:05pm, 12.26.22

st. bagel and his gifts, 12.25.22

i brought up a petco bag from the basement with bagel’s food, christmas gifts, and my parent’s christmas gifts in it. i put the bag down to give my dad his gift which was a nike duke hoodie. then i grabbed my mom’s north face fleece from the bag. as i’m doing this, bagel takes a toy out the bag and starts wrestling with it. it had the whole family cracking tf up. like how in the hell did he know it was for him?? did he see everybody getting gifts, feel left out, and take one out the bag?? probably not, but it’s funny to think about. the gall of bagel sometimes. i can’t help but sit back and laugh. we all laughed for a few minutes. as we were, my dad said the hoodie fit. my mom said her fleece was little tight, so i’ll have to exchange for a different size, which works out because the guy at the register told me their return policy is easy as long as i had the receipt.

but back to bagel, what a great moment to add to our already long-list of christmas memories. 

-ratha, 8:56pm, 12.25.22

my rose, 12.24.22

growing pains are just that, pains of growth. i guess if i view growth as a positive thing, what i’m feeling right now is good no matter how bad my emotions are in the moment. sometimes getting what you want isn’t always roses, but it’s important to remember the thorns will grow before the flower blossoms. 

-ratha, 11:06pm, 12.24.22

the last gift, 12.23.22

i went to the north shore mall tonight to look for a gift for my mom. i was on the phone with big bro and he threw some ideas out. one of them was a jacket, which i thought was perfect because it’s practical and she could use a new one. not that her jacket is old/worn out, it’s just she could use a better one. i went to kohl’s and wasn’t satisfied. then i thought about north face and that’s how i ended up in north shore. i was able to find a lavender fleece jacket, which works out because she likes fleece and her favorite color is purple. i know lavender isn’t quite purple, but it’s like a diet purple, so i hope she’ll like it.

only two more days until christmas!

-ratha, 8:32pm, 12.23.22

the missing photos, 12.22.22

on saturday i dropped off some film at hunt’s in melrose before yardy for dinner. they called me and said the photos were ready to pick up. i go and pick them up yesterday, and excited, when i plugged in the thumb drive, there were no photos on it. i went back today, and they rescanned the film to put the photos on the hard drive. i just got them back and there weren’t many good photos to be honest. i think it’s my camera more than it is anything else. the film is great, the shots are automatic (which admittedly can be a crap shoot), but some times the camera will stall out. it’s hard finding a 35mm film camera that hasn’t been used and abused, and usually when i do find one, i know (due to age) it’s a ticking time bomb of when something like a seal or a flash component will break. i know i have to replace my camera some time, and what better time than now? i got a few models i’m keeping my eye on.

with all that being said, there are still some great photos with great people of great times.

-ratha, 9:08pm, 12.22.22

the mystery package, 12.21.22

because of porch pirates, i switched my ups deliveries to be held at an access point. my access point is the ups store on main street across from walmart. i’ve been receiving emails for the past week of a package coming from williams sonoma. when i first saw the initial emails, i was thinking maybe my parents ordered something and because it’s the same address, they send me emails as well. i picked up the package today and sure enough it was addressed to me. it was pretty hefty, so i opened the box. it had a gift note, but no name. the gift note said happy holidays to you and your family, here’s some treats for your son. i was thinking of who had my address, and only a few people do, so i hit them up. turns out it was my dog alan. that’s my brother frfr. he ain’t have to do that, but he always shows love. i was too hype. i hit em back like i gotta turn up for you one time for the one time. shit was wrapped so pristine, like an elf wrapped that mf. i didn’t open it from there because i’m saving the surprise for bagel on christmas. my dog alan looking out, like he always does. ima make sure we turn up once this music/writing thing works itself out.

on me, on me.

-ratha, 8:32pm, 12.21.22