first day of the new season, 5.27.25

today was the first day we hooped outside after work. it was a beautiful day, mid 70’s and gradually cooling down as the sun set. we were out there for over 2 hours. first couple games i was keeping up, but once we started 5 on 5, i was just out there for cardio. it felt good to get back into it, and it’ll only get better as the weather stabilizes itself. i dropped schuni off before heading home and we were talking about our creative endeavors. i told him i’m still nervous about a lot of things, but i’m going to go for it and turn it up a notch. he responded and said why the fuck not; we only got one life to live. and this one life has been passing me by for who knows how long. i think it’s time that i catch up.

if anything happens, it’s gotta happen now.

-ratha, 8:22pm, 5.27.25

the weekend project, 5.26.25

it’s now 4am and i’ve been working on the aesthetic for the 365 writing page. i think i’m dialing in on it. instead of just one aesthetic, i’m aiming for more. i was thinking perhaps i can do a schedule of different ways to showcase my writing, almost like a theme. this is aside from the poems i’m going to start releasing. also, mohegan sunrises is almost done. about 87%, then i’m going to send it off for mixing and mastering. then in october, i’m trying to drop staying over, leaving early with a track every month leading up to the release.

i’m loading up for the summer and fall so here’s to hitting my targets.

-ratha, 4:12am, 5.26.25

maintaining baseline, 5.25.25

tomorrow is memorial day, so we have the day off. la fitness sometimes observes holidays, sometimes doesn’t. i was too lazy to check, so i went to get my monday workout in today just in case. afterwards, i wasn’t sure what to eat. i’ve been losing weight, while maintaining most of my strength. i know this because the weight is dropping on the scale, yet at the gym i’m lifting about the same as i was before. thinking i’m doing well, i went to kfc. they had a deal for two chicken sandwhiches (my favorite) two sides, a 4-piece strip, and two drinks for $17. i also had $5 off so it was a little under $13 after it was all said and done. i thought it was a steal, plus it was so good. i know i should be phasing out fast food, but my problem is that when i see some progress, i think i can afford to revert back to the old ways. truth is, maybe i’m right in that i’m maintaining, but i don’t want to maintain. i want to get ahead and that isn’t getting ahead. this is with more than fast food, it’s a general theme in my life. of course, there will always be setbacks but as long as i keep trying, i’ll eventually get to where i want to be.

even if it takes a little bit longer.

(but the kfc was tooooo good tonight)

-ratha, 7:34pm, 5.25.25

dragonfruit lemonade, 5.24.25

i was on ft with money today and he mentioned something about cfa dragonfruit pineapple seasonal drink. i hadn’t heard of it, but after we got off, i pulled up to cfa. i’m not a lemonade person, but it was so damn good. dragonfruit is always a hit, as well as pineapple, so it only made sense those two together would be it. it lowkey reminded me of a mocktail i had some time back, though i can’t remember where. with the dragonfruit pineapple lemonade, i had the grilled chicken sandwhich meal (healthy-ish) and a spicy chicken sandwhich. for some odd reason, i was craving something hot so i ordered the spicy original chicken sandwhich. it was so good. i think my palette is evolving because the only other time i’ve had the spicy chicken sandwhich was in 2018 when i worked there and i took one home during the middle of a hurricane. even back then, i thought it was better than expected, but i never got it again because spicy just wasn’t me. these days though?

it just might be.

-ratha, 8:25pm, 5.24.25

bagel’s leg, 5.23.25

we were on a walk in the neighborhood. bagel used the bathroom right by my house, near the woods. as i was picking up after him, i let the leash down. he was marking his territory about 10 feet away from me. after i had gotten done picking after him, he wanted to run into the woods so i ran towards him. he ran towards the sidewalk, then i grabbed the leash. as we were walking, his gait was off. it seemed as if he twisted something. it was bad, but he wasn’t complaining. bagel will let you know how he feels, but when it comes to pain, he is extremely stoic. i decided to cut the walk short. as we approached the side doors, bagel tried to jump on the steps and his two back legs gave out. this was one of the scariest moments i’ve ever had with him. we walked in the house and i examined him. i looked for cuts on his paws and legs. there was nothing. i stretched is paws, ankle, knee, and hips. he didn’t seem to be in pain. he also ate normally when i fed him dinner. still, something looked off about him, especially when he walked. he didn’t want to go up the stairs and was afraid of jumping up on the couch. something clearly was bothering him even if he didn’t show it himself. i gave him some gabapentin and lifted him every time he wanted to go outside or on the couch. thinking back on the way his two legs gave out on him when he tried to jump on the steps by the garage makes me sad. i’m tearing up thinking about it.

i’m hoping he feels better over the next few days, but a visit to the vet seems to be on the way.

-ratha, 10:25pm, 5.23.25

encore visits, 5.22.25

encore gives out free things to members every thursday. tonight, i went with my mom to pick up a celtics jacket. while we were there, i signed up for their rewards and got a free $50 slot play. we ended up playing slots for 2 plus hours. my mom won a couple hundred, while i just used the free credits. it was such a fun time on such a stormy thursday. though i’m not a bettor, i’m sure i’ll be back for their giveaways at some point.

-ratha, 9:37pm, 5.22.25

no rest for the anxious, 5.21.25

i had all intentions on going to sleep last night, but it just didn’t happen. my mind was all over the place, plus we had a big experiment this morning so i was a bit anxious. i think over the years i’ve gotten to a point where i’m used to the anxiety, but my body still reacts without my mind acknowledging it. i was tossing and turning until 3:30am, then i went to use the bathroom and bagel was outside my door. i took him out, then came back to bed. i started hearing birds chirp and looked at my phone. it was 5:10am. my alarm was for 7:10am, so if i went to sleep, i wouldn’t wake up until noon. ironically, i came across a video of a guy who stayed up for a year straight in what people said he had fatal insomnia. that brought on even more anxiety, then i watched a history video on a dictator in romania and his assassination during christmas of 1989. afterwards, i got up to brush my teeth. i let bagel out once more and began my drive to work. i was so exhausted that i pulled into burger king to get some breakfast. i sat inside and ate, then pulled up to work. it’s been a long morning, but i’m about to finish up then head to an appointment. i think i’ll treat myself to some chinese for dinner, but i do hope i can sleep better tonight.

i’d be happy with just a few hours.

-ratha, 12:44pm, 5.21.25

phishing scams, 5.20.25

periodically at work, they’ll test us with phishing scams via email. today, i fell for one. the email headline was ‘new job opportunities at gsk.’ i know we’re in a hiring freeze, but i’m so desperate for a promotion/opportunity other than what i’m doing now so i clicked on the link and it said it was a phishing scam, smh. can you tell how much i hate it here?

something has to budge.

and soon.

-ratha, 4:43pm, 5.20.25

missed volunteering, 5.19.25

i was supposed to volunteer at an academy school today sponsored by work, but i could not for the life of me get up. then when i looked up the address, it took me through so much traffic that i decided to opt out and go to work instead. i really do enjoy volunteering, especially on company time lol.

looks like i’ll have to wait until next time, which i’m hoping is by the end of the summer.

-ratha, 11:24am, 5.19.25

new(er) aesthetics, 5.18.25

i’ve been racking my brain since the beginning of the month on a new aesthetic for the writing page. i think i’m slowly dialing in on one, but i have to take my writing to the next level in terms of variety of form. writing on folders works, but maybe i can write on more things and scan them. perhaps i can even use some of my photographs i’ve taken throughout the years in tandem with the writing to evoke more of an emotional response. the pieces are around me, i just have to figure out how to put them together.

it’s coming along though, so i’ll keep trucking until i strike gold.

-ratha, 11:24pm, 5.18.25