poor civil engineering, 10.10.23

in somerville, they made a 3-lane into a 2-lane on both sides. this has added 20 minutes to my commute, though the change of lanes only lasts about a quarter of a mile.

civil engineering in boston is ass, some of the worst i’ve ever seen, smh.

-ratha, 11:28am, 10.10.23

the last time, 10.9.23

you never know when you’ll see someone for the last time. we were supposed to see each other this month, but things worked out differently than i had thought they would. i wish i could see you and thank you for raising the greatest man to ever live. this all wouldn’t be possible without you. it’s one of the saddest times for our family and i’m trying to keep it together, but i’m finding it harder to keep my head high, much less find peace.

-ratha, 7:14pm, 10.9.23

apple picking, 10.8.23

we went apple picking after our new weekly tradition at ginger gourmet. it was at boston hill farm in north andover. my uncle dave said he went there before and that it was a good time. as we pulled up, it was packed, but we somehow managed to find a decent parking spot. we grabbed cider, then headed out to the fields. i didn’t know which apple was which and they all pretty much looked the same. there were signs labeling the zones of which apples were where, but the zones weren’t labeled. as we perused the rows of trees, there were so many apples on the ground. if i were a bug or an animal, i’d definitely live within close proximity to an orchard. before we left, we said what’s up to the animals. one goat came up to me and picked an apple from my bag as i bent down to pet him. i took the apple out the bag and held it for him. he was going in and i didn’t want to get bit, so i tossed it in his enclosure. as soon as the apple landed on his side of the fence, he lost all interest, smh. the afternoon ended on fresh apple cider donuts and a trip back home to watch the 4pm games.

i don’t know what kind of apples we picked, but i hope we picked well and i hope they’re ripe.

i’ll find out this upcoming week.

-ratha, 4:21pm, 10.8.23

on the battlefield, 10.7.23

it is the honest truth when they say people are fighting battles nobody knows anything about. it’s a humbling, yet compassionate realization that the best day of your life can be the worst day of someone else’s.

in a world where it’s difficult to be kind, i hope you find it rewarding to do so.

-ratha, 4:14pm, 10.7.23

changing of leaves, 10.6.23

these seasons pass us without knowing, which means life will pass us by if we don’t stop every once in a while, to look around. the weather has been getting chillier, now i’m beginning to notice the leaves falling. the colors will change, then the nights will transition from chilly to cold as nightfall comes sooner and sooner. it’s my favorite time of the year and i want to do it right this year. i want to stop staying in the house. i want to get active. i want to take a nice trip. i want to feel at peace, feel like we’re standing on something solid. i want to release a song. i want to feel like i’m being productive towards the life i want to live, not the life others want out of me. i want to feel closer to the best version of myself.

i want to feel like i’m looking around instead of passing life by.

-ratha, 2:25pm, 10.6.23

getting lost, 10.5.23

i hate when i can’t find what to write. it’s a terrible predicament because my mind is full of thoughts and my heart is full of emotions i can’t process. the best thing i can do is be still, but it also feels the worst because i’m always left thinking i could be doing more when in reality nothing can be done. i’m lost right now, but i’m also content in living without direction for the moment being, though maybe i’ve been lost this whole time and i’m just coming to the realization.

settling into acceptance is so surreal sometimes.

-ratha, 4:24pm, 10.5.23

the headlight leveling, 10.4.23

before the sun went down last night, i changed both my headlight assemblies on the sequoia. it took 15 minutes to do, but the leveling of the beams took me more than an hour. eventually, i got the beams closer together. it isn’t perfect, but i told myself i don’t even know where to level it exactly, so i let it be. by that time, it was well into the night. i’m thinking i’ll put about 3-4k more into the sequoia before it’ll be good for the next 100k miles. i need to replace the timing belt, water pump, and serpentine belt. i also need to do a fluid flush. i want to get new rims and maybe a back-up camera along with heated seats. maybe undercoat it for the winter?

it’s a lot i’m toying with right now along with being on the search for a clean gs350, i’ve got a lot on my hands at the moment.

-ratha, 12:31pm, 10.4.23

not for sale, 10.3.23

i’ve been looking at buying another car. there are a few that i want. i wanted a scatpack challenger, but there are a couple of downsides. 1) this was the last year they made the v8, so the prices are highly inflated. 2) it’s only rwd, so for about 5 months i wouldn’t be able to drive it. 3) there’s a high chance it gets dinged as parking spots at work are extremely small. i also wanted an s5, but the maintenance is expensive on those, which i’d rather maintenance money go towards saving for a house. i always wanted a 15’ gs350, and i found one on my radar. it was somewhere in connecticut. clean car, no accidents, and a happy medium in between getting something with luxury amenities and saving for a house. i reached out towards the dealership and they just got back to me and said it was sold this morning. smh, i could’ve used another car during my commutes as it’s getting colder.

it wasn’t meant to be, but i’ve got my eyes open wider than ever now.

-ratha, 1:48pm, 10.3.23

monday (football) blues, 10.2.23

with the seahawks beating the giants (a game in which daniel jones took 11 sacks!), i’ve officially lost the last two fantasy games and i’ve come in 2nd place for pick-em for the past 3 weeks. i feel like i’m close to making a breakout, like i’m knocking on the door, better yet i’m picking at some ice. i see the cracks, but i need to see it crack.

you know?

-ratha, 11:36pm, 10.2.23

lynnfield market, 10.1.23

we made a trip to lynnfield market today. i had never been, but today was the perfect day. it was mid 70’s and clear skies. lynnfield market is a shopping center with stores such as carhartt, lululemon, blue mercury, abercrombie, nike, etc. that is very walkable. it reminded me of the domain in austin. they had swings in the middle of the market and even cow statues along the way. i really like this area a lot. this is also where davio’s is, an italian place i was recommended to by a stranger at a bar some months ago because we got to talking about the best steaks in the area. i bought a pineapple soda from a thai place and drank it while we walked. there was a dog food store we stopped in and i got bagel two sticks of rabbit jerky. i’ll have to come back for davio’s and maybe to check out the barnes & nobles there when i’m finished reading my current rotation of books.

welcome october.

-ratha, 4:56pm, 10.1.23