i’m beginning to think i should have planned my time off better. i want to take a trip, but at the same time there’s work to be done at the cribo. the thought is if i put the work in now, maybe by summer life will be different. 6 months of commitment can change a lot, and at the moment, a lot of change is needed.
we’ll see where we are come summer…
-ratha, 2:38pm, 12.15.21
today is my last day until january 3rd. a well-needed and well-deserved (in my humble opinion) break. this year showed me a lot of things, but what it showed most is i have to prove i deserve the life i want to myself. and that, i’m far from but this year definitely expedited things. i’m on a mission to get out this cycle immegiently and these next few weeks will be a good headstart heading into 2022.
2022?? did i really just write that?!
-ratha, 9:24am, 12.14.21
i got my real id massachusetts license today. the photo actually looks good, i think ima make that my profile picture everywhere lol.
almost a year later but we official tissue now.
-ratha, 7:17pm, 12.13.21
the people who plow our driveway during the winters have a labor shortage so they can’t do our neighborhood. because of this, my dad got our snowplow up and running today. he drained the gas, changed the oil, and did some other maintenance. during this, i pulled one of the gas tubes off and scraped a chunk of my left ring finger on some plastic. it wasn’t as painful as it was hard to look at. i don’t know about you, but blood makes me queasy lol. i can’t look at blood too long otherwise i’ll pass out. i went upstairs and ran my finger under water before putting a bandaid and neosporin on it. my finger injury was a small price to pay to get the snowplow up and running for the simple fact of how expensive it costed, but it would’ve been better to have people plow our driveway.
thank you labor shortage lol.
-ratha, 4:21pm, 12.12.21
i remember ideas i had from years ago just sitting in my mind. either that, or they’re unfinished on my hard drive somewhere. i was going through old files tonight on my computer and came across a folder titled ‘coming home late.’ that was originally finna be my first ep in 2018. what happened to it? shelved. then i remember in 2019 i was going to release a summer ep and a winter ep. the summer one was going to be called 'staying over, leaving early.’ what happened to that one? shelved, again. i thought how i keep shelving my creative endeavors, but i’ve realized i don’t want to live life on the shelf. i’m ready to step out and make a difference. i got some days off, so i’ll be dedicating that to facing my fears and finishing all my unfinished business.
-ratha, 11:43pm, 12.11.21
i stayed up last night for the ye and drizzy
concert. i fell asleep half way through and when i woke up again i thought i
was dreaming. then i thought it was day time because the tv was shining white.
when i realized what was happening, i turned my tv off and put the concert on
my ipad as i fell asleep. i missed drizzy but i caught the highlights when i
woke up. he sung 24 and performed more recent hits while ye did songs from all
his albums. i’m glad drake performed god’s plan because i really think that’s
my favorite song from him. hearing ye do pyt was crazyyyyyy. i remember
watching him on the coachella live stream and he said the hits keep going and
going and going. i thought to myself then that’s what i wanted, but 10 years
later i haven’t done much to accomplish it. it’s good that ye has though,
because i love getting inspired again. i gotta watch in full when i get home
tonight, plus it’s the weekend too? and it’s payday??
we in there like swimwearrrrrrrrrr.
-ratha, 1:56pm, 12.10.21
i woke up to snow, not much, but still. i had to
drive to work, but traffic wasn’t as bad as i thought it was going to be. the
snow should melt by tomorrow. i love how snow looks, it makes everything
gorgeous, but i hate the cold it comes with. i understand though, this is life.
there’s ups and downs to everything. kinda like when you’re bummed when you feel things are ending with a shorty you’ve been feeling, but deep down you know you should be
thankful for the experience. not necessarily thankful to the shorty, more like
thankful to god and the universe.
actually, also thankful to her because she was dope after all.
-ratha, 7:24am, 12.9.21
as dad and i are driving in, we see a big plume
of black smoke in the sky. he asks me if that’s normally there and it got me
second guessing like maybe it is. i mean there’s manufacturing facilities by
encore, so it could be. we’re usually too preoccupied in conversation or in
boston traffic or in both to notice small out of the ordinary happenings, but
this was hella smoke. i looked it up but couldn’t find much. when i get to work
i ask alan if he saw the same thing coming in and he said it was a fire from a
recycling plant. i forgot all about it until we began driving home. when i
looked it up they said it took hours to put out the fire. hours?! that’s a
loooooooooooooong time for something to be burning. luckily nobody got hurt,
but can you imagine not being able to stop a fire?
that’s terrifying to me.
-ratha, 7:11pm, 12.8.21
either god or the universe keeps sending me
signs. perhaps it’s both. throughout life, when i’m left seeking for closure,
something always pops up to remind me where my heart is at. maybe not in a
romantic sense, but in a destined sense. right now it keeps happening. it’s
almost as if i get a taste of something just for god to send me back to the
kitchen to retrieve more ingredients. eventually i’ll put something together,
and i think i will, but i’m hopeful eventually means in the near future.
it’s like my spirit has been starving for so long.
-ratha, 5:32pm, 12.7.21
i’ve never been one to eat sushi, but lately i
been getting into it. i went to ginger gourmet and picked up some sushi along
with some fried rice (because i need something warm) and it was actually really
good. the roll was small, but maybe next time i’ll get two. shit maybe next
time i’ll dine-in at an all-you-can-eat sushi joint.
i might be turning the page on my sushi opinions.
(lowkey though)
-ratha, 8:34pm, 12.6.21