these past few days i have been filling out a gratitude journal. you fill it out in the morning when you wake up and at night before you go to bed. it has prompts such as ‘what did you do to make a positive difference today?’ and 'things i’m grateful for today’ along with checkboxes on how you have felt throughout the duration of the day. i feel it’s helping to keep my spirits up with everything going on. for the first time in my life i don’t know what to do. it’s both making me anxious, yet excited. i feel this is a big opportunity to seize the direction of my life. i was looking at grad school programs and even research opportunities. none interested me as much as pursuing something creative, but what must be done in the meantime must be done with purpose, intent, and effort. the only thing is i don’t know what must be done because everything is in the air at the moment. i view life as a coin, sometimes. there are only two options: be happy, or settle.
i’ve done my fair share of settling in recent memory, so i’ll be interested to see where this coin of life lands when it does.
-ratha, 11:49am, 7.8.20