i was riding back from stop n shop. i had gotten carrots and ranch for a lunch snack this week. i’m thinking about you and how i wanted to call you up to see how you’ve been. then it always hits me that you’re no longer here with me. as i shuffle songs on my phone, keep my spirit alive comes on off donda. that was a song that got me through last october, especially when i drove from raleigh to fayetteville for your funeral. i thought that was you talking to me, or at least letting me know you were with me in that moment. i didn’t want to make too much of it, but when i got home i sat in my car and let the song play. i went on facebook and the third post down was your sister sharing a facebook memory of you posting about national siblings day 5 years ago. that’s when i knew you was there with me. i spent a few more moments in the car in silence before getting out. once i got out, i looked at the sky. i didn’t know what exactly i was looking for, but i knew you were out there somewhere.
thanks for coming through to get groceries with me tonight, it almost felt like all the times we would grocery shop at the neighborhood walmart together off north tryon.
love you with all my heart, miss you with all my heart.
-ratha, 9:14pm, 4.10.22