i saw ms. sam in the lab towards the end of my day. i asked how she has been and she told me she just came from florida for her niece’s funeral. she said she was sad, but that life has to go on. it put a damper on my day because ms. sam is the sweetest. i’ve known her for almost 20 years. to go from a kid to working with her is quite amazing actually. before i left the conversation, she told me to live my life and do what i enjoy doing. it sounds cliche, but hearing it from her comforted my soul. she said life was too short to be wasting it. considering the conundrum i’m in, i took it as a sign from god. as i’m leaving work, after doing 40 on the treddy, i call e. we talk about my music again. he says i have to put something out. anything is possible, but it wouldn’t be unless i took action. we talked about promotion of my music and how we think things will work out, but he said a great idea is just an idea at the end of the day. it’s all about execution. then it reminded me of a convo i had with franko years ago. he told me something similar, if not identical. he said ideas that remain ideas don’t change anything. it always resonated with me, but on the phone tonight, i told e i was scared. i told him how i feel confident in every other aspect of my life besides music and that it was strange. e agreed. i think these days though my back is against the wall, and the more i admit things not only to myself, but to the world, the more i’m ready to take the leap of faith.
sometimes the kid who is afraid of heights grows his wings as he learns to fly.
what a story i can’t wait to tell.
-ratha, 11:18pm, 3.1.23