man, it’s been tough lately. despite never meeting each other, i’ve been thinking of you a lot. it’s been two months and it still hasn’t set in. i was talking to my mom earlier tonight and i mentioned how crazy it is you’re no longer here with us. she told me seeing younger pictures of you smiling reminded her of me, and that when she told my dad, he thought the same. i don’t see it, but it made me feel good. i don’t like speaking on what happened because i know the people who love me hate to see me emotional. i haven’t been able to sleep well tonight, so i’ve been tossing and turning. because of this, i went to youtube and all i’ve been doing is watching videos of what was a simpler time in life.
i don’t know what words i can string together to make me understand what i’m feeling, but i know this can’t be it.
-ratha, 4:37am, 3.16.20