just because i compartmentalize my emotions, doesn’t mean i don’t feel things. i’m stubborn in my ways, which is something you’re all too familiar with. i didn’t respond because i know what you have to do is for the well-being of your mental health. i hate the thought of you going through the valleys of life alone. they say you either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become a villain. i never wanted the inconsistencies of life to lead us to a situational crossroad that would leave us resenting each other. i don’t want my love for you to be tainted by the things we can’t control. in my eyes, you’re so innocent, you’re so pure and i would hate to let my selfishness ruin everything i know you could be. you’ve changed my life, and what a disservice i would be doing by holding you back from letting the world see how remarkable you are. you’ve got a world to change, and you can’t put that on hold for a kid from apex who lacks direction and stability in his life.
i’ve longed for you before, and i’ll end up longing for you again, but maybe that won’t always be the case if our desires are favored by the divine.
either way it goes, my heart hurts.
-ratha, 10:11pm, 1.7.20