asleep at the wheel, 6.5.24

they should really refer to a 9-5 as an 22-65. 9-5 sounds decent as 8 hours of a 24 hour day doesn’t sound so bad, but when you break down commutes, the sacrifices made for a job, and the all the politics that come with it, it’s not worth much at all. at least not to me. i don’t get much sleep some nights because of work, the thought of all my potential i’m leaving on the table everyday i’m there, and how my bosses have a negative opinion on me yet tap in with me when they need to get the job done. last night i only got two hours of sleep. i woke up, went to work early, and one of my bosses meets with me. actually, i’ll go into this when i write my book on my time in biotech, but on the way home i fell asleep multiple times. the last time was a curve a street over from my house in front of the golf course. somehow i woke up and i was one wheel in the oncoming lane. i don’t know how, but i swerved right in time to avoid a head-on collision. it shocked me. as i pulled in my driveway, my eyes were wide awake. i was wired. i’m thankful to have made it home safely, but i came to a realization that i’m giving so much of myself to a company that clearly doesn’t care about me, at all. never once have i had the benefit of the doubt with my boss, never once have i had the credit nor the respect i deserve. too many egos involved to tell the truth about it and no amount of smoke and mirrors can fool me into thinking otherwise. if i had gotten into a crash, they would carry on like never before. if i had died, they would’ve sent a company-wide email singing my praises knowing they were the ones witholding the credit. no matter what happens, every couple of months i’m reminded that this job does not give a fuck about me. i’ve been asleep at the wheel for some time now and it’s about time i wake up.

i think it’s a sign.

-ratha, 8:44pm, 6.5.24