a third gone, 5.1.24

today marks the first day of the fifth month of the year, which means a third of 2024 has already passed. i feel like so much has happened, yet some nights i still find myself stuck in the same places emotionally as i was months ago. i have to remind myself there is no timetable for feelings, much like there is no expiration for things in this life like love and missing someone who is no longer here with us physically. a lot of growth, a lot of thought, a lot of intention, and a lot of uncomfortable nights in silence. ironic it is because i used to find solace in solitude. i guess times now are just different. bri reached out to me a few days ago about a storage unit i had gotten for donovan years ago when he was in the hospital and i moved to new england. i didn’t even know they still had it open. she told me they were going to leave some of his stuff there for auction like his weights and squatting rack. it brought me back to when he first bought the squat rack. he had ordered it, but was in utah for his work rotation. he called me and asked me to check if it was delivered, and sure enough it was left out leaning on the garage in the drizzling rain. i pulled it in as heavy as it was lol. then i remember it was in the middle of covid times where he needed weights for the bar/rack. jordan came over to go with dono to an academy sports somewhere across the border in south carolina to get the weights because that was the closest location that had them. she was always so kind and i actually miss talking to her so i should probably reach out to see how things are. i don’t know, i’m all over the place. it’s actually incredible how one message can cascade into so many emotions and thoughts. dono, i know you’re reading this. i still love you and miss you every day bro. there’s more to the story, but i’ll put it in the music. or in my journal.

a lot of things i wish i could talk to you about these days.

-ratha, 10:23pm, 5.1.24