40 million, 3.12.23

in 2011 after graduating high school, i went to socal for a week and a half. there, i stayed with my uncle and my auntie in long beach along with a few of my cousins. we were hanging in the room when my auntie came through. i don’t know what we were talking about, but i remember her telling me her house costed 40 million. she doesn’t speak english very well, just about as well as i speak khmer. actually, she spoke better english than i speak khmer. regardless, i remember looking at my cousin shaking my head like is she for real?? my cousin translated 40 million to my auntie in khmer. that’s when we all laughed. really the real number was 40 or 400k, something like that. i remember that moment vividly after all these years. not only is it a vivid memory, it’s a good one. when i woke up to let bagel out, my dad was standing at the fridge. he peeped over the door to see who was coming through the hallway, and of course it was me. he told me my auntie passed away earlier this morning. it shocked me. i didn’t know what to say, or how to react. 2011 was the last time i saw her. i always thought i’d see her again and we’d laugh about that one time at her house or how she would tell me how tall i am or how i’d ask her how living in houston was for her. it’s all in my head now. life is so fragile and i hate being reminded of this.

as i let bagel out, i thought of 40 million and i laughed for a bit in between the shock and the grief we all began carrying this morning.

-ratha, 11:46am, 3.12.23