2025: Accomplishing Nothing

I came across a video on my fyp of a group of friends celebrating their accomplishments this year. One person celebrated 10k steps every day. Another bought a house. Some even got new jobs amongst many other things to be proud of. It made me think of myself and what I accomplished this past year, and truth be told, I don’t feel I did much of anything. When I look back on 2025 in the future, I don’t know what I’ll think. These life milestones seem to escape me the more I become a victim of corporate routine. Marriage, becoming a homeowner, having children, all these rites of passages I have yet to step through. Some days I feel behind, which has never bothered me, but what has is feeling out of place. Sure, these things can be done while having a career, but if a career compromises personal potential, what good is having all the above if you go to bed every night with greener grass on your mind?

These past 12 months have proven things I had hoped to be wrong about in Corporate America. So many people trade their integrity in hopes of climbing the corporate ladder. I couldn’t bring myself to do it no matter how much pressure they put on me to do so. I guess the take home message here is people who have integrity wouldn’t trade it so perhaps those that will never had any to begin with. I never understood why people want to become close to me then do things behind closed doors to put wedges between them and I.

Corporate politics per usual, I guess.

One night while I was venting to my dad about things going on at work, he ended the conversation saying I needed to do some soul searching. That stayed with me. I always thought this whole time I had been soul searching, but maybe complaining wasn’t searching at all so I decided to do something about it.

I made it back to Los Angeles for the first time in 14 years. I had always stayed away because I told myself at the top of Signal Hill in 2011 that the next time I came back to LA I would have made something of myself. That was a year before the anxiety took over. I still haven’t become who I thought I’d be by now, but maybe it’s the things we don’t become that are our biggest accomplishments. Only time will tell. I made the decision to go back because time is escaping me and I can’t wait on myself to live life. I went for a weekend to Kobe Bryant Night at Dodger’s Stadium. It’s still surreal that he’s gone, but being back in Los Angeles gave me a feeling of hope and inspiration. It brought me back to nights riding around Long Beach with my cousin and exploring life with a sense of curiosity and excitement. I went back to a lot of the old places we used to go to, and nothing really changed. At least from what I can remember.

One night, I was walking down Santa Monica exploring all the shops. I remember in 2011 there were a group of guys dancing and street performing under two life-sized dinosaur mixed-media sculptures. The reason I remember vividly is because as we stopped to watch, one of the guys looked just like Tupac to me. Being such a fan, I was excited as this was the closest I’d ever get to seeing him live in person lol. After they finished their routine, I asked for a picture with him. Fast forward to 2025, here I was alone with the same camera that took that same photo in front of those same dinosaur sculptures. Obviously, things have changed but I still feel in many ways (if not all) that the same kid was standing there under those same dinosaurs, too. Many days it feels I haven’t grown up so maybe that’s why these rites of passages continue to elude me. I’m in no rush though, I know they’ll find me when the time is right. After walking the strip and exploring Pacific Park, I went to the beach and talked to God as the sun went down. The sunset that night was stunning. It was the most beautiful I had ever seen. Sitting in the sand talking to God was the first time I’d felt peace in some time, years actually. I’m always too in my head to be present, but this was the closest I had been to being in the moment if I ever was to be.

That night after my conversation with God, I was roaming the strip looking for something to eat. My first instinct was to Google a place, but I put my phone away hoping to find a restaurant organically. I ended up at a place called Meat on Ocean. I sat outdoors and tried to take in not only the scene, but the feeling of life that night. Per regularly-scheduled program, I was caught in thought. I sat in reflection under the evening moon feeling the warmth of the outdoor fire they had burning. Whether it be material things, promotions, or even others themselves, we’re always caught chasing something in this life. Between eating Wingstop for the first time, taking in the sunset from Signal Hill, going to car meets, and all the other countless memories with my cousin back in the day, it made me realize more often than not the things we’re chasing are vessels to a feeling that we hope make us complete in dealing with the temporary nature of our existence. Feeling that I was missing something, I asked the waiter that night if he lived in the area and if he liked it. He said he grew up in the vicinity but lived in Sherman Oaks. He was curious why I asked and I told him I was thinking of moving here from the Boston area. He mentioned his friend moved here from somewhere in Massachusetts and loved it. When he brought the check back, he told me to have a good night and that he’ll see me next time when I move here. I go back and forth of whether I believe in coincidences or not, but I do believe in energy and that night he might’ve shifted something in my favor just by saying those things to me before I left.

Though I returned to Los Angeles empty-handed, I left with my heart full.

A month later, I found myself in Paris. It was my first time overseas and the initial high of walking through customs at Charles de Gaulle was one I’ll be chasing for a while. Not only did it feel like I was in a different world, but it felt like I was in a different time. Initially, my flight was delayed but everything fell together so nicely that weekend. The timing, the weather, and the people couldn’t have been better. Parisians get such a bad reputation for their manners, but everybody was so kind to me. My first day there, I was taking pictures when a girl on a call came up to me. She struck conversation by asking about my camera and we got to talking about ourselves. She worked at the corporate office at Chanel but had spent some time in America as her dad is American. That got brought up because it was clear as day I didn’t understand any French from the moment we started interacting. Her English was very good. She spent some time in America during college but moved back after because France is home. Later that day, I went to mass at the Notre Dame and was in awe of the architecture. French history is some of the most intriguing to me. There’s so much culture, art, and heritage to take in. After doing some shopping, I spent an afternoon writing songs under the tower. As incredible as the Eiffel Tower is through pictures, it’s much more remarkable in person. My hotel room had a balcony so every night I’d sit there either writing or people watching. A lot of reflecting was done between that balcony and walking the river Seine after dark. It was refreshing being alone in a new city. Everything was unfamiliar in a good way, which made what solitude I had more therapeutic. The trip ended with a concert at Accord Arena. Ville lumière truly did light the way.

Paris left a lasting impression, and I can’t wait to go back.

Let’s see, what else happened this year?

Bagel became a teenager as he turned 13 and it was emotional for me. September 12th fell on a Friday in 2025. Usually, we’ll go to the beach but this year I took him to The Dog Chapel in a small town called St. Johnsbury in Vermont. We had a picnic. I got him KFC and I ate Thai fried rice. Both places were less than 10 minutes away from The Dog Chapel, which made the picnic convenient. We walked the blue trail, sat in a field to eat, then ran around in the grass off leash. Though time flies, being still can slow it down enough to enjoy what time we do have. Afterwards we finished by having dinner to go from Pellana. It was one of the highlights of the year. I can’t express my gratitude enough to God, The Universe, Bagel, and whoever else is in charge of all of this for the time we have together.

My personal life hasn’t changed much, which is why I probably feel stuck. I’m still at the same job with the same people, for the most part. Corporate America is Corporate America, but being in biotech has been rough as of late. The industry is in its worst position since 2008. All across the board there have been mass layoffs, extra work, no promotions, but I still have a job so I’m taking what I can get at the moment. I’m still writing and making music, though the music wasn’t as consistent this year. That’s currently changing as we speak. It may come off as delusional, but I still believe in the music and the writing. Only you can see your vision so if you don’t believe in yourself, who will? My all-time favorite athlete came out of retirement this year on his 44th birthday nearly 5 years after his last game. In one of his press conferences when asked about the decision to come back, he responded by saying hopefully it’ll teach people not run or be scared of what may or may not happen. He speaks on doubt and how real it is and how the guaranteed safe bet is to stay home and not go for it, but the other side is to see what happens. That inspired me because so often I find myself at home, metaphorically speaking. Home may feel like a good place to be, and at times it is, but you can’t spend your whole life there. Especially with a world of possibilities and a life that deserves to be lived. I ended up making a short trip to see him play on Monday Night Football the weekend before Christmas. As I was sitting in the stands watching him, I thought about the 4 walls I’ve caged myself in and what doors fear has kept me from stepping through. I’ve been watching him since I was 10 or 11, so seeing him in the year 2025 was like I was a kid at my parents’ house growing up again. When he threw his first touchdown of the night and I saw him celebrating, it all came full circle. You could tell he simply loved the game of football and that’s what brought him there. It dawned on me in that moment that love will take you places doubt doesn’t even know exists, let alone can even fathom. As the crowd erupted, I had my phone in hand recording as time stood still. Suddenly the walls in my personal life were expanding and the doors I was so hesitant to step through were becoming smaller and smaller. The doubt didn’t seem as dark that night and it hasn’t been since. Safe to say we’re in high spirits riding into the new year.

Not only am I hopeful and inspired, but I feel a shift in myself.

Maybe I did do more this year than I’ve given myself credit for and even if it feels like I didn’t, being here is an accomplishment I’ve learned to become proud of.

Notable Artistic Milestones.

Transparency, Mohegan Sunrises, Closer to God, More than Friends (Freestyle) - Singles, the running diary. 8th year anniversary, RDL365 2nd year anniversary